IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Playing
games
Use synonyms
 is as significant for
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 as adolescents. From
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 my perspective
view
Check wording
apply
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 proposition is not completely true. It seems undeniable that aged
people
Use synonyms
 have many responsibilities and
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 a consequence, they have to accomplish many tasks in a day.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a person works in an
office
Punctuation problem
office,
show examples
 he has to do his
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
almost
Change preposition
for almost
show examples
 ten to twelve hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a day, he has to maintain all kinds of official
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in a very short time
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is related to all kinds of company images and reputations. For
this
Linking Words
, if he neglects his
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, the total
systems
Fix the agreement mistake
system
show examples
 might collapse.
Thus
Linking Words
, an accustomed person cannot engage him
any
Change preposition
in any
show examples
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, evergreen has the responsibilities of his family, country
etcetera
Punctuation problem
, etcetera
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, after finishing his office
jobs
Punctuation problem
jobs,
show examples
 he has to assign many social
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
and
Check wording
tasks and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 his children. He
also
Linking Words
 has to help many
disaster
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 where it is not found
all-time
Correct word choice
in his immediate
show examples
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, he has to seek
for
Change preposition
out
show examples
 the helpless person to do well for them. He has to search not only
destroyed
Change preposition
for destroyed
show examples
 ones but
also
Linking Words
ill
Change preposition
for ill
show examples
 men and women whose
nearer
Correct word choice
loved ones
show examples
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 died
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 devastating events.
Finally
Linking Words
, he has to concentrate properly
all
Change preposition
on all
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the things where he starts.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some individuals say that
games
Use synonyms
 are essential to mankind. I am of
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
 that these plays provide them
Change preposition
with refreshments
show examples
refreshments
Fix the agreement mistake
refreshment
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, these
games
Use synonyms
 teach a lot of practical things in a very short time.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is definitely said that
to hold
Wrong verb form
holding
show examples
 responsibility for the nation's
games
Use synonyms
 for aged
people
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited.
However
Linking Words
, some folks argue that it strengthens the
people
Use synonyms
 for a better future
life
Check wording
apply
show examples
.

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task
Make your view clear early in the essay and restate it in the end so the reader knows your stand.
structure
Put one idea in each paragraph and open it with a simple topic sentence.
language
Use simple and right word. Do not use words that mix up meaning. Keep to short sentences.
structure
The writer shows a plan with intro and ending.
content
There are ideas about how adults have work and family tasks.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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