Some people spend their time in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives, looking for a better job, house, community or even better climate. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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A change in the everyday lifestyle is a prevailing improvement in human lives. 
Although
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, some people believe that staying in
one
Use synonyms
place can make
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
feel comfortable
whereas
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another believe that moving places could get more benefits. From my perspective, moving a number of times throughout life, looking
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
better job, house, community or even climate is a better lifestyle, at least for my generation. I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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viewpoints with relevant examples.
To begin
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with, the main advantage of staying in
one
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town for a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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period is comfortable. To illustrate, some people believe that staying in
one
Use synonyms
site can make them feel easy and do not need to experience
a
Correct article usage
the
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process of making
one
Use synonyms
place from stranger to familiar.
However
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, at the same time, it will cause
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
feel
Fix the infinitive
to feel
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bored with facing the same zone, the same streets and the meet the same people
in
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apply
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someday.
Furthermore
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, it will easily lead to having a bad mood which definitely affects their work efficiency. Comparatively, moving a number of times throughout life has many advantages.
Firstly
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, it will get a chance to seek out new friendships and career opportunities.
For instance
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, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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can make a new friend from a neighbour and
new
Correct article usage
a new
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culture from the workplace.
Secondly
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,
this
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move can be a good opportunity to set some personal health, financial and wellness goals and get involved in local civic or church groups. Learning new about yourself and the community can be a positive thing.
Nevertheless
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, moving
a
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to a
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new house might
also
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come with some drawbacks
such
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as costs, time for packing up and missing family and friends.
To
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In
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conclusion, from my point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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, moving to new accommodation is much better because we can attain a new experience and an enjoyable life.
Submitted by o_unanan on

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task achievement
Work on developing ideas more fully and clearly. Some points in your essay could be elaborated with further details or examples to improve understanding and relevance.
coherence cohesion
Try to strengthen the links between ideas and paragraphs by using more cohesive devices or transitions to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments well.
task achievement
You have addressed both views on the topic and provided your own opinion, fulfilling the task requirements effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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