IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Kids usually have a lot of free
time
Use synonyms
 compared to adults, which gives them a chance to explore a lot of things. Today parents are trying to engage their kids with some activities that can help kids to thrive in their life. Few people opine that parents should encourage children to participate in
group
Use synonyms
 activities, while others think that it's important to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Personally, I think
both
Use synonyms
 are important.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 views and conclude with my opinion. Teamwork or working with a
group
Use synonyms
 becomes extremely important. Today, can anyone thrive in their career without
group
Use synonyms
 or team participation? It is extremely difficult especially, in the corporate world. Children should learn it from the school-age by taking part in
group
Use synonyms
 activities. It will help them to build up the confidence to face people and gives the experience to work as a team. It
also
Linking Words
 teaches some leadership qualities which can make them as a leader in the future. They can play with their peers and can make new friends. Due to all these pros
Add a comma
,
show examples
kids should be encouraged by parents to participate in
group
Use synonyms
 activities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, occupying with themselves is the ultimate way of learning about themselves. A lot
Add the preposition
of
show examples
people encourage their kids to work on their own or play themselves which will learn them how to be independent and discover themselves. These qualities will help them to know better about them, their hidden skills and can shine their thoughts. At a certain
time
Use synonyms
, everyone should spend
time
Use synonyms
 lonely which is very hard if they don't know how to occupy themselves. Spending some
time
Use synonyms
 with ourselves will make us understand better about us. All these advantages make parents encourage their kids to occupy themselves on their own. Everything has its limits, everyone should balance
both
Use synonyms
 personal and private life. Children should learn it from the beginning and parents should encourage them to do
both
Use synonyms
. It is not a good thing if someone doesn't know how to mingle with others and at the same
time
Use synonyms
Add a comma
,
show examples
he or she should know about themselves. To conclude,
group
Use synonyms
 activities and self occupancy
both
Use synonyms
 are important and should be encouraged by parents.
Submitted by dheerajsudarsanam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
Look at other essays: