IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country. Others think that they should live as a separate minority group with a different lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #country #culture #minority #group #lifestyle
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The issue of whether
people
Use synonyms
 settling in a new country should adopt
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 culture or not is
opened
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open
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 to debate.
While
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 there are benefits to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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 their lifestyle, I would agree that immigrants should behave as
people
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 of the host country. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why
people
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 insist on keeping their traditions.
Firstly
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, cultural conservation allows them to express their love for family and nation.
For example
Linking Words
, beginning of February, more East Asia students celebrate a party for
a
Correct article usage
the
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 new year
as
Correct word choice
apply
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following
old
Correct article usage
the old
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 type.
Secondly
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, if a person is from a country with strong and old customs, it will be difficult for him to adopt new ones. He cannot break the old customs
such
Linking Words
 as food habits and wear certain types of clothes.
On the other hand
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, it seems to me that copying the new traditional lifestyles is the best choice. Exploring and understanding new
culture
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cultures
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 provides
a
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apply
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plenty of opportunities to success succeed/move forward in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life. It supports them to get on well with communities rapidly or build
a
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apply
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strong
relationship
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relationships
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 with others because locals feel respected when their customs are understood and imitated.
Moreover
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, it decreases
chances
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the chances
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 of misunderstanding and embarrassment. For example, when you move by public transportation in Japan, you will not certainly give up the chair for older
people
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,
this
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 is considered being impolite action. In conclusion,
while
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 holding on own culture does have some benefits, it seems to me that changing the tradition of
host
Correct article usage
the host
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 nation has positive effects on their lives.
Submitted by khoa9x123 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • assimilate
  • social cohesion
  • integration
  • navigating the job market
  • cultural preservation
  • sense of belonging
  • heritage
  • multiculturalism
  • cultural landscape
  • support network
  • transition
  • multicultural society
  • mutual respect
  • cultural identity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: