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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Occasionally, students in elementary school are allowed to advance to the next grade even though they have not successfully completed the lower grade. Advocates of “social promotion” think that keeping a child in a grade for longer than a year hurts his or her development and self-esteem. Do you agree or disagree with the idea of social promotion? Use logical arguments and specific examples to support your opinion

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Since the
last
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 few decades,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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primary
school
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children
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 have
the
Add a missing verb
had the
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 liberty to jump into
a
Correct article usage
the
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 next
class
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 without completing their academics because some experts take
a
Correct article usage
the
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 view that staying in
one
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 grade for
a
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the
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 long term may hinder the holistic development of
children
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.
However
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, I totally disagree with the above-mentioned notion with my detailed arguments in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,
without
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apply
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taking excellence in
one
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 grade would affect
children
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's academic performances at the secondary level or at
tertiary
Correct article usage
the tertiary
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 level. Because the junior grades are the foundation which enables the
children
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 to understand the complex subject matter. If they
will
Verb problem
do
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 not complete their initial classes with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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good scores,
then
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 the
further
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 educational process would be a herculean task to complete.
For instance
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, the
children
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 who do not know proper calculations could not solve the multiplication and division of the numbers.
Thus
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, to move the
children
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 from
one
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 grade to another without considering their mastery
on
Change preposition
of
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 the subject is a completely ridiculous idea.
Moreover
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, some
students
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 intentionally
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 perform well in their initial
school
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 years as they know they will be transferred to the next
class
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 without
taking
Correct your spelling
making
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 any
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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. I take the view,
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this
Correct word choice
that this
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 approach will ultimately make the
children
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 careless towards their studies.
Also
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, they will not attend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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school
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 properly if they
will be
Wrong verb form
are
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 allowed to sit in the upcoming level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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study.
For instance
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, in India, since the law
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 passed that no
one
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 will fail from 3rd standard to 6th, the attendance of
students
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 dropped by 50%.
Overall
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, ignorance is another point which needs to be considered, if
school
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 authorities allow the
students
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 to sit in the following
class
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 regardless of their grades.
To conclude
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, there are several educational institutes
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 do not consider the academic abilities of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elementary
school
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students
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 as they believe that
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 the
students
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 in the same
class
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 could affect their psychological growth. As far as I
concerned
Add a missing verb
am concerned
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, I opined the viewpoint and described my perception in detail.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and link ideas effectively. Although there is a logical flow, some sentences could better connect or transition smoothly to enhance readability.
task achievement
Include a wider range of specific examples and evidence to further support your arguments. This will strengthen your essay's persuasive power.
task achievement
The essay presents clear arguments against social promotion, supporting them with logical reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are effective, summarizing the main points clearly and providing a comprehensive overview of your stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-esteem
  • peer pressure
  • emotional development
  • social development
  • academic performance
  • fundamental knowledge
  • higher education
  • career prospects
  • personalized education plans
  • social stigma
  • summer school
  • after-hours tutoring
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