IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It has been widely acknowledged that the number of working
women
Use synonyms
 increased significantly over the
last
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 century, and they got involved in the different types of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
This
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 topic is
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 particular importance because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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equality between
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 has become one of the most debated issues.
This
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 essay will discuss whether both
sexes
Add a verb
sexes are
sexes were
show examples
 suitable for whatever job or not. On the one hand, the main reason why
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 can occupy the same type of work is related to mental ability and intelligence. There is no relation between individual ability and gender.
For example
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, the most important part when someone
applying
Wrong verb form
applies
show examples
 for a job in most companies is the grade and the certificate rather than the gender.
Moreover
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, there are
women
Use synonyms
 who have become a policeman, which is quite dangerous, and they are successful in their careers.
On the other hand
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, there are some types of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not suitable for all. Jobs that require physical activity,
for instance
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, are more likely to be filled by
men
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such
Linking Words
 as
builder
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builders
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 and army.
In contrast
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,
women
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 are quite emotional and they have
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 is called (caring nature),
for
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this
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 reason, they are more suitable to be employed in nursing and caring. In these instances, obviously,
women
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 and
men
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 have different natural abilities. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay has looked at whether
women
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 and
men
Use synonyms
 should have the same jobs or not. It would seem that
women
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 and
men
Use synonyms
 are capable of having the same type of careers, and individual ability is far
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
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 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender identity. Perhaps, with the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the world, females can occupy more sensitive positions.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and conciseness. The logical structure of the essay is somewhat coherent, but there is a lack of clear progression between ideas. Make sure to use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The essay somewhat addresses the task, but the response lacks clarity and depth. There is a need to express a clear opinion on whether men are naturally more competitive than women and provide more specific examples and evidence to support the ideas presented in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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