IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many things that used to be made by hand are now being made by machines. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion.

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Introduction
The
Correct article usage
apply
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Industrialization
Change the spelling
Industrialisation
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 has played a vital role in the transformation of the world, with the introduction of machines
almost
Punctuation problem
, almost
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 all of the products nowadays are manufactured using automatic machinery.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore some of the benefits of industries,
as well as
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its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 few drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, advancement in the manufacturing industry has made it possible to meet the demands of the rising population
along with
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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cost-effectiveness.
First,
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there has been a prolific increase in the population across the globe
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 machine production is the only process that can supply the huge requirement of the
products
Punctuation problem
products,
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 as it takes less time,
whereas
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 the hand-made production is far slower.
For example
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,the carpet producers used to take months to make one single piece
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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, today more than
Correct article usage
a hundreds
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hundreds
Fix the agreement mistake
hundred
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 are produced in a single day using automatic handlooms. Not only
this
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, but it is
also
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 the reason that selling prices of products are much affordable these days as the cost price declined and the supply increased.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the
mechanization
Change the spelling
mechanisation
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 has some negative aspects
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
;
Punctuation problem
apply
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 loss of livelihood for many and
colonization
Change the spelling
colonisation
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 of various countries.
Nevertheless
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, the manufacturing rate increased,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 led to the closure of many handicraft units
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
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thus
Punctuation problem
thus,
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 many families lost
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 means of earning.
For instance
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, one of our neighbours used to produce the shawls in his workshop
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 with the availability of
low priced
Use the right word
low-priced
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 factory-made shawls in abundance, he lost his business and is struggling for income now.
In addition
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,
this
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 movement has been a major reason for conflicts and wars between various countries as raw materials rich states are always
in
Change preposition
apply
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a risk of being subjugated.
Conclusion
In conclusion, with the development of automatically equipped factories, there has been a rise in the production rate
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 helped to
coop up
Verb problem
cope
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 with the population growth
,
Punctuation problem
;
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moreover
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, prices went down as the manufacturing costs reduced.
In contrast
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,
this
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 trend of industries led to many armed conflicts
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 many lost their means of earnings as their hand-made manufacturing business suffered.

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grammar
Fix grammar and keep one idea per sentence for a clear and easy read.
cohesion
Use simple link words like also, but, and for, to make flow from one point to next.
content
Give only facts to back up your point. Some claims need proof.
task response
Say your view clearly at the start and end of the essay.
vocabulary
Keep words simple and short to fit the top 100 word list.
structure
The essay has a clear plan with an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
content
It shows both good and bad sides and ends with a view.
examples
Examples are used to show points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • productivity
  • craftsmanship
  • displacement
  • hazardous
  • occupational hazards
  • investment
  • efficiency
  • manual skills
  • automated
  • non-renewable resources
  • electronic waste
  • accessibility
  • quality of life
  • innovations
  • convenient
  • comfortable
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