IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.?

#people #arts #paintings #music #waste #money #government #services
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Nowadays in Brazil, the Culture Ministry has a lot of public capital reserved
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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. Many
people
Use synonyms
 defend that
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 should be used for another important area.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my point of view, I totally agree that these funds can be applied in a better way.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the Health sector should always be prioritized.
Firstly
Linking Words
, several
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 are waiting for their exams or
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a health problem.
Secondly
Linking Words
, many hospitals complain
of
Change preposition
about
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 the lack of medical doctors to attend
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
to people
show examples
 who need help.
This
Linking Words
 affects negatively the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of these
people
Use synonyms
 who can not move forward with their lives.
For example
Linking Words
, one father has to work to earn some
money
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if
this
Linking Words
 person is sick, he will not be able to start a job. So the government must assist that person with the necessary resources.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the reserved
money
Use synonyms
 should be used to improve the
economy
Use synonyms
. Spending these funds to
enabling
Wrong verb form
enable
show examples
 a better
economy
Use synonyms
 is crucial to raise the country itself. Making strong relations with key companies is quite essential to build a hard
economy
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the government inject
money
Use synonyms
 to create several jobs for their population
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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private organizations
investing
Change the verb form
to invest
show examples
 in the country.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to
moving
Change the form of the verb
move
show examples
 the
economy
Use synonyms
, bringing more resources
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their nation.
Likewise
Linking Words
, buying a new house or a new car.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the Government must always prioritize some sectors
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 others. The Arts Ministry has to be put on a second plan in comparison with
essentials
Change the noun form
essential
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 sectors,
such
Linking Words
 as Health and
Use synonyms
Economy
Correct article usage
the Economy
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these areas have a vital place in any
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 structure.
Submitted by alves.arthur92 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
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Logical Structure
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