Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.?

Nowadays in Brazil, the Culture Ministry has a lot of public capital reserved
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
. Many
people
defend that
this
money
should be used for another important area.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
my point of view, I totally agree that these funds can be applied in a better way.
To begin
with, the Health sector should always be prioritized.
Firstly
, several
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
are waiting for their exams or
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a health problem.
Secondly
, many hospitals complain
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
the lack of medical doctors to attend
people
Change preposition
to people
show examples
who need help.
This
affects negatively the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
of these
people
who can not move forward with their lives.
For example
, one father has to work to earn some
money
.
However
, if
this
person is sick, he will not be able to start a job. So the government must assist that person with the necessary resources.
Furthermore
, the reserved
money
should be used to improve the
economy
. Spending these funds to
enabling
Wrong verb form
enable
show examples
a better
economy
is crucial to raise the country itself. Making strong relations with key companies is quite essential to build a hard
economy
.
For instance
, the government inject
money
to create several jobs for their population
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private organizations
investing
Change the verb form
to invest
show examples
in the country.
Consequently
,
people
will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
to
moving
Change the form of the verb
move
show examples
the
economy
, bringing more resources
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
their nation.
Likewise
, buying a new house or a new car.
To conclude
, the Government must always prioritize some sectors
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
others. The Arts Ministry has to be put on a second plan in comparison with
essentials
Change the noun form
essential
show examples
sectors,
such
as Health and
Economy
Correct article usage
the Economy
show examples
.
Therefore
, these areas have a vital place in any
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
structure.
Submitted by alves.arthur92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
Try to ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides an overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
Logical Structure
Ensure that each paragraph connects logically to the next, and that your ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!