Small businesses are disappearing and being replaced by large multinational companies. Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantage

There is a fact that companies that operate across many countries are driving small-sized enterprises out of the marketplace.
Although
the trend has been recording several drawbacks, I am supposed that the positive effects outweigh the negative ones
Add the comma(s)
,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter First of all. Consider adding the comma(s).

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First
of all, it is the replacement of multinational companies that
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit

The verb benefits does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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customers in terms of price.
In other words
, multinational enterprises have competitive advantages in terms of assets, facilities and supply chain in comparisons with small businesses. They can produce massively products thanks to extensive factories and technological innovations and
then
launch their merchandise at much lower prices than local businesses. Those who make a purchase of the products not only benefit lower cost but
also
much higher quality.The toothpaste product of Unilever,
for instance
, costs three times as cheaper as most Vietnamese ones.
Secondly
, the emergence of foreign companies may generate
a great deal of
Change the quantifier
a lot of
many
plenty of

It appears that the quantifier a great deal does not fit with the countable noun opportunities. Consider changing the quantifier or the noun.

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job opportunities for low-qualified
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers

The spelling of laborers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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, which makes contribution raise the living condition of people. After Samsung corporation set a manufacturing site in Thai Nguyen province, the living standard of the population considerably grows.
However
, In general, the situation has an
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable

The spelling of unfavorable is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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impact on the diversity of domestic products. Indeed, while cross-national companies produce some of their brands, a lot of local brands provide different types of products. When local vendors no longer exist, domestic customers are forced to purchase limited products.
Furthermore
, the spread of multinational companies may lead to several environmental-related issues in terms of air pollution. Most of them release dirty sewer and toxic gases into
e
Add an article
the
an

The noun phrase environment seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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nvironment which is the main cause of air contamination In conclusion,
although
the development of multinational companies in
d
Add an article
the

The noun phrase domestic market seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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omestic market results in air pollution and the loss of variety
in
Verify preposition usage
of

It appears that the preposition in may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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products, the trend is advantageous due to lower cost and the enhancement of dweller lives
Submitted by Andy on

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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