IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that hard work and determination bring success. Others think other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #work #determination #success #factors #money #appearance
There are certain theories about
success
 in people mind
from
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
 a long time . Few people believe that continue
s
Add the particle
to
show examples
truggle and focused thinking about goal bring
success
 while some think that wealth and lifestyle are
e
Add an article
an
show examples
ssential part of
success
.
This
 essay will discuss both side of the question and how hard
work
 and determination are more important
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 other things. Hard
work
 and focus is key to
success
. It
is often find
Change the verb form
is often found
show examples
 that a person who is willing to pay his 100% attention toward
g
Add an article
the
a
show examples
oal and continues
w
Add the particle
to
show examples
ork on his goal always achieve
success
 in
e
Add an article
the
show examples
nd.Determination and
work
 hard always pay off .
For example
Add a comma
,
show examples
we have learnt from
teen age
Correct your spelling
teenage
show examples
 in schools if you give your full attention towards your study
then
 you will get
g
Add an article
a
the
show examples
ood score in exam
also
 a student who do top in class his key to
success
 is always continue hours of focused study and determination to achieve top rank in class . So hard
work
 and constant focus become
m
Add an article
a
show examples
ajor factor of
success
. Wealth and personality
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 brighter part of
p
Add an article
the
show examples
erson. If someone has wealth he
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 need to do much hard
work
 and it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 easy for them to invest money in
d
Add an article
the
a
show examples
ifferent sector without any hesitation and worry.
Also
Add a comma
,
show examples
good
apperance
Correct your spelling
appearance
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 in
this
 world as
s
Add an article
a
show examples
ign of
success
 .
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
 people see people with luxury car and branded suit
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
successfully
 and they earn more respect . In conclusion , wealth and luxury lifestyle play
v
Add an article
a
show examples
ital part in
success
 but hard
work
 and continue determination toward
g
Add an article
a
show examples
oal helps to achieve happiness because that struggle comes back to you every time and pays your every single
second
 of
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
Submitted by jaswalranjit35 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: