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Band 4.5

More workers work overtime and had less exercise. What is your opinion?

#workers #work #overtime #exercise
Work
 is worship, It is
i
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an
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nevitable part of
life
 and important in order to earn bread and butter. Health is
m
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the
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ost important factor to live
h
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a
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ealthy
life
Replace the word
lives
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.
Work
 and
exerciese
Correct your spelling
exercise
 should be equally important for
life
 and it should be
equally
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equal
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 balance but many people
work
overtime
 and ignore physical
exercies
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
. In my opinion
Add a comma
,
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work
overtime
 and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 exercises create many problems which I mention below.
Firstly
,
work
overtime
 imbalance
p
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a
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erson's personal
life
.
Person
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A person
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
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work
 for their family but it is equally important to spend
time
 with family.
Speanding
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Spending
time
 with family is one of the most
imporatant
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important
 exercises which
relex
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relax
 person mind by sharing their personal thought. When people
work
overtime
 they do not give enough
time
 to
thier
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their
the
fmily
Correct your spelling
family
 and they feel alone in
thier
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their
life
 resulting
Verify preposition usage
in
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suffering
mantal
Correct your spelling
mental
 stress. For an instance, according to
reaserch
Correct your spelling
research
, people who only focus on
work
 have less family
life
 and suffer mental illness in their older
life
.
Furthermore
,
work
 more resulting in less physical activity, resulting
Verify preposition usage
in
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many
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
. Exercises is
neccesory
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for
h
Add an article
a
show examples
ealthy
life
.
Work
overtime
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not give enough
time
 to do exercises result
Verify preposition usage
in
show examples
many serious health problems like obesity and heart
peoblem
Correct your spelling
problem
problems
. For
an
Remove the article
apply
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example,
s
Add an article
a
the
show examples
tudy carried out by Northeastern Univerity revels that imbalance in
work
 and exercises gives
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 serious health
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
. In a nutshell,
work
 is important but
overtime
work
 and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 exercises create many negative consequences like imbalance personal
life
 as well as many health
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
.
Hence
, In my opinion
Add a comma
,
show examples
work
overtime
 and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 exercises should be
balnace
Correct your spelling
balanced
balance
 for
h
Add an article
a
show examples
appy
life
.
Submitted by romika on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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