IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people prefer to spend time with their own age group while others like to spend their time with different age groups. Discuss both views and gibe your opinion.

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Time
Use synonyms
 is the only thing which cannot be regained if lost.
Hence
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, it is important that we spend it carefully.In
this
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 context, a few individuals always like to give their
time
Use synonyms
 to their contemporaries
whereas
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 some want to spend it with the ones who are
elder
Correct your spelling
older
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 or younger to them. In the current essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 discuss both views and give my opinion. On one hand, even though ,the concept of allocating our space to someone is purely individual,some
people
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 always try to be in close with the
people
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 they meet daily who are of their age .
This
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 may be
due to
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 many reasons.
Firstly
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, it makes them feel that being with their contemporaries is the best way to get notified of new opportunities.
As a result
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 ,they can knock them faster.
For example
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, young ones will only get updated with competitive exam notifications and job opportunities if they stay connected with their classmates who are into that.
On the other hand
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, a few individuals prefer to lead their life in their own way by spending their
time
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 with elders like parents mainly because they feel de-stressed by observing these
people
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 who are out of the hustle and bustle of modern life.
In addition
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 , input given by older
people
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 will definitely improve one's living.
For instance
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, as the elders have
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
crossed all the important junctions of life, their
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 on many things will guide us to a better solution.
Moreover
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, spending with younger ones will refresh our mood.
Thus
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 we will have a fresh start.
To conclude
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, I think we need to dedicate some space for contemporaries to move on in future and should try to be close to elders for their guidance.
Last
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 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least, we should give a piece of
time
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 for kids to enjoy their innocence.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider introducing clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
While your views are clearly stated, providing slightly more depth or detail in your arguments could strengthen your position.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each point is elaborated with relevant examples; this will help to strengthen your overall argument.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, providing a good overview of what the essay will cover.
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