IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people like to work in a company which offers high salary. Some others think that it is good to work in a company which offers a good working atmosphere. What is your opinion? Discuss both the views with examples.

In
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 present world,
people
Use synonyms
 have become more materialistic.
Therefore
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, a school of thought believes that some
people
Use synonyms
 give more importance to the
high paying
Use the right word
high-paying
show examples
Use synonyms
salary
Punctuation problem
salary,
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 others give priority to a good working environment. I assert that a good
salary
Use synonyms
 is significant for personal growth
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working in a good
atmosphere
Use synonyms
 helps keep stress-free. On one hand, a section of
people
Use synonyms
 thinks that a good
salary
Use synonyms
 is indeed important to live a better lifestyle.
People
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 can spend heaps of
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their amusement.
Also
Linking Words
, they can buy electronic gadgets and devices for their happiness and make their life
easy
Correct word choice
easier
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. In order to fulfil their own demands, they have to
work
Use synonyms
 hard and earn more
money
Use synonyms
. That being reason
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 in
such
Linking Words
companies
Use synonyms
 which offer well pay.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
companies
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also
Linking Words
 opine that if they give high
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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salary
Punctuation problem
salary,
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then
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 employees would not only
work
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 hard but
also
Linking Words
 increase their productivity
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is beneficial to the
companies
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some individuals give importance to a good working
atmosphere
Use synonyms
,
work
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culture
Use synonyms
 plays a pivotal role for employees, humans like to
work
Use synonyms
 in a light
atmosphere
Use synonyms
 so that they can
work
Use synonyms
 without pressure and stress. The study from many multinational
companies
Use synonyms
 reveals that if
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in a good
Use synonyms
culture
Punctuation problem
culture,
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then
Linking Words
 they can give their best performance as they can
work
Use synonyms
 without pressure.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 face depression and stress problems in their lives
due to
Linking Words
 a stressful
work
Use synonyms
atmosphere
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.
That
Change preposition
For that
show examples
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reason, individuals give more priority to
work
Use synonyms
culture
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 rather than
money
Use synonyms
. If they like to
work
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 in their
office
Punctuation problem
office,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they will definitely improve their productivity and skills. Later on, they can earn more
money
Use synonyms
 too.
Hence
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,
to conclude
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 is equally important as the quality of the workplace. I opine that
people
Use synonyms
 should give more priority to
work
Use synonyms
culture
Use synonyms
 rather than a high
Use synonyms
salary
Punctuation problem
salary,
show examples
 as their health is concerned.

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task
Make your main view clear in the end. State your view in one short line.
language
Use simple and short sentences to keep the flow easy.
content
Give one or two exact examples with numbers or facts to back your point.
coherence
Link ideas well so the two sides move to the conclusion.
structure
The essay uses 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show both sides.
task
It shows a view and a conclusion.
structure
There is a plan and it follows a general form (intro- body- conclusion).
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