IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The amount of drinkable water for people is decreasing. Why is this? What can be done?

The level of Water is declining for the purpose of drinking among
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
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 drinkable water’s amount has some specific reasons, the implementation of certain measures can be effective
to solve
Change preposition
in solving
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem. To initiate the reasons that are responsible for the decrease in the extent of drinkable
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
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. The first and foremost cause is domestic and industrial
waste
Use synonyms
. To explain, when the
misuse
Replace the word
misused
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 material is released by the growing number of industries and
people
Use synonyms
 at
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
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, it is dumped into the canals, rivers, and seas rather than
throwing
Wrong verb form
thrown
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 somewhere else that are the major source for providing rain to
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
waste
Use synonyms
 materials mix with the fresh water and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 it polluted
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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leads
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to the fall
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the amount of freshwater among
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the popular seas
such
Linking Words
 as Ganga, Yamuna, and Saraswati
as well as
Linking Words
Brahmaputra
Correct article usage
the Brahmaputra
show examples
river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
show examples
 were considered to be very popular in the past because of the major source of freshwater, but nowadays, all these have been polluted by throwing industrial and household
waste
Use synonyms
. Despite the causes, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a number of solutions for solving the declining problem of drinkable
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
. The primary one is to take strict actions by the government. To elaborate,
while
Linking Words
 throwing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
misuse ,whether it is industrial or domestic, the high authority must
fine
Correct your spelling
find
show examples
the
people
Use synonyms
, whereby the individuals may be committed to throwing the
waste
Use synonyms
 somewhere else or recycle it
instead
Linking Words
 of the major sources of freshwater rain
such
Linking Words
 as rivers, canals , and seas.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
western countries, which are very strict in terms of protecting natural resources, especially rain, have a large amount of natural drinkable water without any purifiers. In conclusion, though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrial and household
waste
Use synonyms
 are the two major reasons for the fall in the supply of drinkable
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
, the involvement of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 might be effective by taking strict actions to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly present your arguments and support them adequately. While you have covered key points, some could be developed further for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions are abrupt, which can confuse readers. Using linking words can improve coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and word choice. For instance, using 'misuse material' is incorrect; 'waste materials' or 'mismanaged materials' would be better. Such inaccuracies can affect the overall readability.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses a relevant and important issue, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
There are some strong examples provided, which enhance the credibility of your arguments, particularly with the mention of well-known rivers.
Coherence and Cohesion
You attempted to structure your essay logically with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable.
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