the number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance. why do people do operations to change their look? do you think it is a positive or negative development?
With the advent of science and technology in medicine, more and more
people
are getting familiar with plastic and cosmetic surgeries
that
a vast majority of individuals have seen undergoing these procedures to get their desired look. Correct word choice
and
This
essay will decipher why people
are proceeding with these surgeries
and its
benefits Correct pronoun usage
their
to
Change preposition
apply
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
along with
a particular premise.
The first and foremost reason people
go through these procedures is that people
feel improved self-esteem because many of the population is
unhappy with their external appearance and have several insecurities because they do not socialize much. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
However
, cosmetic surgery does wonders for people
's social life
and mental health by giving them confidence and their desired look. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Secondly
, every person has their
idols who follow and Correct pronoun usage
apply
imitate
; by seeing their incredible transformation after Correct pronoun usage
imitate them
surgeries
, people
get encouraged and undergo these surgeries
. One leading example of this
claim is the Kardashian sisters, who did many surgeries
to bring their incredible and gorgeous outer look. They completely changed the definition of female standard beauty and thinness.
Furthermore
, aesthetic surgery helps people
have a positive psychological mindset because they get indulged into
stress, anxiety, and depression from the Change preposition
in
bully
of society and other Fix the agreement mistake
bullies
people
around them, which harm
their medical condition and Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
influence
their concentration and work potential. It Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
also
encourages them to proceed with these surgeries
. Moreover
, the results last
for a more extended period and even
permanent, which relieves any worry of getting their undesired look back. Add a missing verb
are even
Therefore
, people
opt for cosmetic procedures as it
Correct pronoun usage
they
renders
huge benefits socially and mentally.
In conclusion, Correct subject-verb agreement
render
although
aesthetic surgery has some side effects, adverse effects can be avoided with proper attention and care. Overall
, it generates a myriad of advantages with a sense of satisfaction.Submitted by muskanjot1999 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
The essay has addressed the prompt by discussing the reasons why people undergo cosmetic surgery and evaluating whether it is a positive or negative development. More focus on the negative aspects could enhance the completeness of the response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons for cosmetic surgery, and a conclusion. Transition words could be used more effectively to improve the coherence between paragraphs.
task response
Clear discussion of reasons for undergoing cosmetic surgery
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!