IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

some people think that having a set retirement age for everybody , regardless of occupation is unfair. they believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an early age. do you agree or disagree? which type of workers do you thinkhould benefit from early retirement? GIVE REASONS FOR YOUR ANSWER AND INCLUDE ANY RELEVANT EXAMPLE FROM YOUR OWN KNOWLEDGE OR EXperience

#people #retirement #age #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #thinkhould #benefit
Rertirement
Correct your spelling
Retirement
 at
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 right
age
 is
v
Add an article
a
show examples
ital decision by authorities. Some people opine that
this
 should be based on the
work
 whilst others have contrast viewpoint.
Although
 everyone should retire at a certain
age
, I believe workers who
work
 in difficult labour jobs should relief early.
To begin
 with, all the jobs do not require equal physical efforts. At some
work
, workers have to stand
w
Add an article
the
show examples
hole day;
nevertheless
, at other jobs
Add a comma
,
show examples
people sit in
r
Add an article
a
show examples
elaxing position.
For instance
, CORRECT YOUR SPELLING warehouse keepers The word
worehousekeepers
Correct your spelling
warehouse keepers
 is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure
this
 spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.
worehousekeepers
Correct your spelling
warehouse keepers
 have to stand and carry
heavy weights
Correct your spelling
heavyweights
show examples
. After
c
Add an article
a
show examples
ertain
age
perfoming
Correct your spelling
performing
 these tasks is not feasible and could
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 health detrimentally. People who are in these jobs deserve to be free from
this
.
Further
, these people should be provided
Verify preposition usage
with
show examples
appropriate financial support.
Hence
,
laboures
Correct your spelling
labourers
 who
work
 hard deserve early retirement with adequate help.
On the other hand
, there are certain jobs which require mental abilities. These jobs can be easily continued after sixty. If these people retire early, their experience cannot be utilised.
For example
,
accoutants
Correct your spelling
accountants
 can perform their duties even after getting old. These people should not be retired early as they can
work
 without any severe repercussions to their health.
Such
 experienced people at
work
 can be mentors to new employees.
Hence
, similar
age
 to retire irrespective of
work
 is not a wise decision. In conclusion, retirement
age
 cannot be similar for all professions because
work
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is
also
 dissimilar. In my perspective, construction workers and other
labouers
Correct your spelling
labourers
labours
 should be retired early than other professionals performing minimum
phyical
Correct your spelling
physical
 efforts.
Submitted by Priya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: