IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

Technology
Use synonyms
 has evolved
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 decades, and
moreover
Linking Words
, new tech systems come up every day, each
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
with different functionality. They are breaking
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 our houses and
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to fill out the gaps in our daily routine, making every activity easier than before.
Thus
Linking Words
, introducing new items in our places might have some impact on the personality of our behaviours. It leads
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some positive and negative aspects
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I would like to point out them providing reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are several advantages of/
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using more devices in our routine. It can save time,
such
Linking Words
 as the washing machine, or it helps
out saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 people.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the medical field, more precisely in the hospital,
technology
Use synonyms
increased
Verb problem
has increased
show examples
 our rescue patient rate,
checking constantly
Correct word order
constantly checking
show examples
 the status of a patient.
Additionally
Linking Words
, using the Internet, a person could get to know more accurate information than
never
Use the right word
ever
show examples
 before.
For example
Linking Words
,
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
show examples
 a guy could find whatever he needs in less than 1 minute. Turning to the other side of the argument, it brings with
itself
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 lots of drawbacks, especially concerning privacy. We always talk about
privacy
Punctuation problem
privacy,
show examples
 where everyone knows everything without asking a single question. There is no more freedom. Another example of a negative side of the argument could be the relationship with others
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in fact, it is scientifically demonstrated that a person tends to have fewer friends than before. In conclusion, I would like to highlight that everything has some good and some bad sides. There is nothing completely good.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people need to balance out the
technology
Use synonyms
 and understand the limits and the effects of it. Nowadays, people cannot manage and understand
technology
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 we cannot deny it. It gave us
huge
Fix the agreement mistake
more
show examples
 progress than nothing had before.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your view on work clear in the start. Say yes you think tech changes work, or no. Then give 1 or 2 strong ideas with a real work example.
task response
Stick to the task. Talk about how work changes and talk good and bad sides. Do not use many points that only fit life at home.
coherence
Make the flow in order. Use a plan: para 1, your view; para 2, good points; para 3, bad points; para 4, end.
grammar/lexical
Use plain and short sentences. Keep to common words. This helps safer and easier read.
content
Give a clear example for work. For example, how email or tools save time at job.
task response
End with a short move that restates your view.
content
The idea to talk about both good and bad parts is seen.
structure
The writer uses linking words to move ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • software applications
  • high-speed internet
  • communication
  • collaboration
  • geographical boundaries
  • remote work
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • skill gaps
  • job displacement
  • automation
  • artificial intelligence
  • dependency
  • security risks
  • data breaches
  • cyber attacks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: