IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Getting promotions is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in the modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard?

#promotions #drives #people #work #workplace #promotion #factors #influence
In
this
 financial era, every individual needs a certain type of employment to run their budget. The argument is coming forward that promotions are the best influencer for people to join the workplace. In my opinion, not only promotions but one
also
 look for various factors for joining work, including family background and some crisis. Fundamentally, various factor makes the promotion a prominent need in individual
life
, and there are various reasons to substantiate.
First
 and foremost, increasing need for daily
life
 spendings encourages one to get higher status in a workplace, as higher posts in certain company result in a handsome salary. by which
life
 runs smoothly.
Moreover
, by acquiring eventually higher post would lead to tons of respect, individual usually prefer
this
 as a part of their ego.
However
, not only promotions but other factors
also
 play a crucial role in encouragement toward the working
life
. Chiefly, from the ages, our ancestors are indulging simultaneously in the working
life
 generation by generation;
therefore
 present and near-future generations ought to follow the same trend.
Furthermore
, unemployment in an individual
life
 results in various negative aspects, including depression, anxiety and even suicide. As revealed by a survey conducted by the University of Canada west that 70% of suicide rate emerge due to the lack of employment.
Hence
, to balance the same one should join any workplace. In conclusion,
although
 the attraction of higher places in a company motivates people to join work, there are many other factors,
such
 as the constant working trend of past ancestors and cause of issues by unemployment, could lead human to carry out some activities.
Submitted by sajanbrar0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: