IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #effect #families #societies
International fast
foods
 are replacing traditional
foods
in
Change preposition
apply
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almost throughout the world
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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affects
Wrong verb form
affecting
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negatively
Rephrase
apply
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both families and societies. I completely agree with the given statement because it seems to be disadvantageous in certain ways. To initiate the drawbacks of international fast
foods
. The first and foremost disadvantage is the maximum expenditure of money among people. To explain, when people choose to eat global junk
food
items
 rather than
taking
Verb problem
eat
show examples
 their own traditional ones, they have to pay largely that might not happen
while
taking
Verb problem
eating
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional cuisines because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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imported fast
food
 is quite higher in terms of price than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional one. To cite an example,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international fast
food
such
 as McDonald’s, Subway, and Burger King, which are generally considered to be the popular fast
food
 restaurant companies, have a high price of
food
.
The
Correct article usage
Health
show examples
health
 disorders can be considered another major con of
taking
Verb problem
eating
show examples
 fast cuisine
items
 that are international. To elaborate,
while
 consuming international fast cuisine
items
, people are likely to face physical
health
 issues, especially obesity and cardiovascular disease that may not happen whilst eating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional cuisine, since
the
Correct article usage
apply
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junk
food
 contains a lot of fat , high calories, and sugar.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast-
food
items
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Burger, Noodles, French fries, Pizza, and Hot dogs, which are generally believed to be the best eatable
food
items
,
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of
health
 issues. In conclusion, I totally agree with the given statement because giving preference to eating international fast
foods
 leads to the highest disbursement of money
as well as
health
 issues.
Submitted by arah.kaka011 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and that the ideas and examples are connected logically. Consider using transition words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Address all parts of the prompt, provide a clear opinion, and support it with relevant examples and explanations. Make sure to include a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points of the essay. Support your main points with specific examples and evidence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural identity
  • heritage
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • globalization
  • nutrient-rich
  • bonding
  • local cuisine
  • fast food chains
  • convenience
  • processed ingredients
  • sustainability
  • culinary traditions
  • mass-produced
  • environmental degradation
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