IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

People after retirement often require financial assistance. Should the government be responsible for this or should the individuals make provisions for themselves? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #retirement #assistance #government #individuals #provisions
It is
c
Add an article
a
show examples
ontroversial topic
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
whether who financially support retired seniors. While some argue that governments should have responsibility for
this
, I believe that each citizen should prepare by themselves. It is true that
g
Add an article
the
show examples
overnment should help retired people financially because governments have a play a role of providing
s
Add an article
a
show examples
ecure life for citizens.
In addition
, it is difficult to live spending all their savings. With increasing life expectancy, people can live
l
Add an article
a
show examples
onger period of time without income and
therefore
, they need financial aid from governments.
However
, I claim that individuals should prepare
o
Add a pronoun
their
show examples
wn budgets as governments could not be able to supports financially. When emergency cases occur, governments spend their profits
for
Verify preposition usage
on
show examples
 these.
For instance
,
h
Add an article
the
a
show examples
uge earthquake happened
in
Verify preposition usage
on
show examples
 the eastern side of Japan in 2011, its government use more than 50 per cent of revenue for rebuilding which brought that the cost of retired seniors’ pensions declined. In conclusion, while it is true that governments should be responsible for supporting retired people, I believe that individuals should prepare by themselves.(170)
Submitted by aiko.miyazaki123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial assistance
  • retirement
  • provisions
  • governmental pension plans
  • social security
  • welfare programs
  • financial literacy
  • private pensions
  • savings accounts
  • investments
  • economic stability
  • poverty line
  • safety net
  • personal responsibility
  • incentivizing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: