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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, most of
Use synonyms
s
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the
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chool believe they should improve their students in academic knowledge and passing formal examinations without developing
another
Replace the adjective
another skill
other skills
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skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cook a meal, sewing or joinery because
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s
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the
a
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tudent can learn these from family and friends. In my opinion, I disagree with the point of view.
Firstly
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,
school
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 is a place to evolve perfectly for
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s
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a
the
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tudent in
e
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the
an
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ducational program.
For instance
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, academic success
include
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includes
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 many
scope
Change to a plural noun
scopes
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, subject, skill to do
excercies
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
 which only parents or friends could not teach
student
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 totally. Because the amount of knowledge is termless, teachers in
school
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 do not have enough time to teach daily
skills
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such
Linking Words
 as cookery or woodwork and it depends on
invidual’s
Correct your spelling
individual's
 talents to judge production. Students
whose
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who
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 have not enough handicraft to make
this
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 would be boring when they have to study.
For example
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, students can learn by heart to pass exams but they can not do
similarly
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 with lessons of skill.
On the other hand
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,
student
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whose
Change the pronoun
who
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 can not get high marks in academic subjects, maybe they want to develop in
other
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another
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 range. Everyone has its own mission and talent in one’s life. In
m
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the
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odern era, company or employer respect qualifications, so schools need to teach these
skills
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 formally and recognize them by certificates. As an illustration,
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s
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the
a
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tudent can learn these
skills
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 from family and friends but it is not complete. Parents can teach them by their experiences.
For example
Linking Words
, parents can teach daily dish but to cook a precious meal,
student
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 need to learn about recipes, decorations,…or
student
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 can sewing normal clothes and need to learn about
t
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the
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rend of fashion, way to design,… In conclusion,
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s
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the
a
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chool should not respect academic success without caring about
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s
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the
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kills of
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s
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the
a
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tudent.
School
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 should make a study environment to progress their
student
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 in
p
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a
the
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erfect way.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic success
  • passing examinations
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • learn from family and friends
  • personalized learning environment
  • supportive learning environment
  • well-rounded education
  • school curriculum
  • resources
  • expert guidance
  • enhance creativity
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
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