In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

All over the world, it is possible to see
children
performing duties and earning money for it. While some decry
this
conduct, others believe that it helps
children
to develop important abilities that might help them in the future.
This
essay partially agrees that
work
could be beneficial to a child and will explain why in the
next
paragraphs.
To begin
with, people who are against the possibility of letting
children
work
d
Add the particle
to

It appears that the verb defend should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

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efend that youngsters should prioritize their time to academical activities. Letting
children
work
,
specially
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especially

The word specially may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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in our modern society, which
focus
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focuses

The plural verb focus does not appear to agree with the singular subject our modern society. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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on profit, could damage
children
's process of learning and might affect their mental health. A study published by Carnegie University, in Australia, showed that young people - under fourteen years old - who are enrolled in repetitive and stressful job positions, usually, deal with depression and anxiety more frequently than their peers.
Nevertheless
, there are cases in which the possibility of learning practical skills could not only help
children
to develop responsibility but
also
help them to understand the value of working. A child who has the opportunity to develop those skills earlier in life is more likely to deal with
c
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the
a

It appears that an article is missing before the word competitive. Consider adding the article.

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ompetitive world and succeed in the future.
For instance
, in my family, when my father was only eleven, he was allowed to help the neighbours to
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain

The word mantain is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

their backyard clean and
also
feed their animals; he earned a few coins for each worked day. Those simple tasks did not require a lot of time and physical effort from my father but they helped him to learn the importance of assuming responsibility in society. My father
trully
Correct your spelling
truly

The word trully is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

believes that
this
opportunity made him more adaptable and mature to face future life obstacles. To conclude, stimulating
children
to engage
is
Correct your spelling
in

The word is doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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some kind of job position might be more complicated than it seems and parents should
deninitely
Correct your spelling
definitely

The word deninitely is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

pay attention to correctly evaluate the physical and mental conditions of
work
before making any decision.
Furthermore
, the environment that a child will be surrounded should
also
be considered. In some cases,
children
could be enormously benefited with the opportunity of working early in life.
Submitted by andreluizrc on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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