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Writing Samples
Band 4

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their aging members. Do you agree?

#societies #people #retirement #homes #families #care #members
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In numerous communities’ senior people are frequently being neglected by families
due to
Linking Words
 their busy
scheduled
Replace the word
schedules
show examples
 and having no work-life balance. As a result, aged family
members
Use synonyms
 are compelled to choose to live in retirement homes.
To begin
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, over the years , technology has advanced in various domains from farming to spaceships. Humans have been yielding to it, and the consequence is a huge intervention
Change preposition
in
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 human connections especially with older family
members
Use synonyms
 in their 80s, 90s and 70s. Seniors of the family always
thrive
Verb problem
strive
show examples
 for quality time with their family
members
Use synonyms
,
moreover
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 to support them in their old age is the responsibility that ought to be taken by each one of them. For instance, helping
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their daily errands like financial bills, groceries, doctor appointments and any other cooking assistance will make them happy and content.
Furthermore
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, interacting and spending time with aged people would change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 perspective
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 life,
Correct word choice
and gives
show examples
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
immense
Correct pronoun usage
them immense
show examples
 positive energy and enthusiasm. They fill the gaps between generations giving life to fading traditions, rituals, and authentic values.
For example
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, in India grandparents are treated like the bridge connecting generations
due to
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 the fact of the traditions and values they share with their posterity. In the same
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 there is ample to learn from the older like the bona fide food recipes that have been forgotten by today's world.
Besides
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 all
these
Add a comma
these,
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 they have seen decades of life and worked strenuously for the family upbringing and more vital are the sacrifices they have made for the family. In conclusion, I would totally agree that it's extremely unseemly to allow aged family
members
Use synonyms
 to live in senior homes. It is that age to treat them like children,
in other
Linking Words
words
Add the comma(s)
words,
show examples
 give them a tiny quality time, attention, love and care,
that is
Linking Words
 all they expect.
Submitted by panusha984 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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