IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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it is argued that doing activities outside is more advantages to
children
Use synonyms
's growth
instead
Linking Words
 of plane screen
games
Use synonyms
 in my opinion I completely agree with the given statement because outdoor
games
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 help adolescence to build physical and mental health as well as juveniles get opportunity to develop creativity with the help of outside
games
Use synonyms
 to be done with open air activities help
children
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 to build strong bones and physical strength with regular exercise from playground increase appetite which help the body to the minerals and protein
in addition
Linking Words
 plain in sunshine
also
Linking Words
 help to get vitamin D which is an essential nutrition for the development of body
in contrast
Linking Words
 to playing
games
Use synonyms
 on computer which encouraged to sedentary lifestyle and give birth to many diseases like obesity and poor eye vision
furthermore
Linking Words
, playing outside enhance the mental health and develop the creativity by making interaction with friends
moreover
Linking Words
 adolescents get chance to learn social skills and moral ethics for how to survive in society which is beneficial for their upcoming period of life and create a very good relationship with masses in their future As well as, it develops the personality of
children
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 in the form of leadership and teamwork with the help of
games
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 like, cricket, volleyball and basketball To conclude, open air
games
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 are very beneficial for
children
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 and I believe that outdoor activities are always advisable for young ones for their overall development

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health
  • Coordination
  • Foster
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity
  • Exploration
  • Strategic thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Social isolation
  • Moderation
  • Balanced approach
  • Detract
  • Obesity
  • Poor posture
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