IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others Disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
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Few topics have drawn as much scholarly attention as
employers
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 asking personal
information
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 of
job
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 applicants, especially for the past few years. A few people argue that collecting personal
information
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such
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 as hobbies,
interests
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 and marital
status
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 is necessary, while others think that
such
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kind
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 of
information
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 is unnecessary for giving jobs. I am of the opinion that collecting some personal
information
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 is useful to analyse the
job
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 applicant. In order to see why the former outdo the latter, we need to look at both sides of the debate. Primarily, by asking for some personal
information
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 like
interests
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 and hobbies, an employer can understand the potential
employee
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's personality.
Besides
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, some hobbies and
interests
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 will help to improve cognitive skills which will be a great asset for task accomplishment at the workplace.
Furthermore
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, with the
information
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 of the
employee
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's marital
status
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,
employers
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 can give a suitable
job
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 for a particular
employee
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 because the marital
status
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 will affect the commitment to
work
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.
For instance
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, recruiting a married person for any
kind
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 of that demands a lot of travelling will doesn't
work
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. Thanks to the
information
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 collected,
employers
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 can assign the right person to the right
job
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. Admittedly, it is true that seeking sensitive personal
information
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 is not necessary for some
kind
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 of jobs. On one hand, that
information
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 is useful to recruit a suitable
employee
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. On the other, that personal
information
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 might be misused by employees. Few
employers
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 use the
information
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 about the relationship
status
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 and
interests
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 of an
employee
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 for their personal gains.
Although
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 some jobs only demand basic physical
work
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 that no need to collect any
kind
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 of personal
information
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, asking for some personal
information
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 can make a healthy relationship between employer and
employee
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.
For example
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, giving a
job
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 to a completely unknown applicant based on only his academic qualifications might not
work
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 all the time. In conclusion, from what has been discussed above, one can conclude that despite some concerns, the role of asking for some personal
information
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 in recruiting the right person as well as
work
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 accomplishment is instrumental indeed.
Submitted by dheerajsudarsanam on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: