Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or military. Other think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #men #job #police

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According to

Linking Words

some individuals,

women

Use synonyms

should be given equal importance as males for job applications

such

Linking Words

as the military

whereas

Linking Words

others believe that

women

Use synonyms

are less capable of doing

this

Linking Words

kind of appointment. In my opinion, gender shouldn’t be a factor

while

Linking Words

choosing the right candidate and

women

Use synonyms

possess more abilities as compared to

men

Use synonyms

in any field.

To begin

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with, girls are actively taking part in swimming, karate, and weightlifting

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

depict

Wrong verb form

depicting

show examples

the competitive nature comparatively.

This

Linking Words

shows their mental and physical strength which is of the utmost importance when joining the police force or military.

For instance

Linking Words

, a majority of games in the Olympics,

Such

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as shooting,

wrestling

Correct word choice

and wrestling

show examples

are being played by

women

Use synonyms

and have won medals in the respective field, highly encouraging other

women

Use synonyms

to participate.

Thus

Linking Words

women

Use synonyms

should be considered equal to

men

Use synonyms

, even if the job application is for defending the country.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, few of the masses think that

women

Use synonyms

are not capable

to carry

Change preposition

of carrying

show examples

out certain jobs

due to

Linking Words

various reasons.

Firstly

Linking Words

, people believe that physical strength is vital to

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

a police officer or

join

Wrong verb form

joining

show examples

the military and

women

Use synonyms

have less stamina for the job.

For example

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

catching a thief, a law enforcement officer needs to run fast to get hold of the burglar.

Secondly

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, few

women

Use synonyms

prefer to stay at home and look after their

toddler

Fix the agreement mistake

toddlers

show examples

or in-laws,

whereas

Linking Words

some wives are intrigued by corporate jobs.

Thus

Linking Words

, working as a police or in the military should totally depend on the

Use synonyms

women

Fix the agreement mistake

woman

show examples

herself rather than judging her physical power. In my opinion,

women

Use synonyms

should be given opportunities to showcase their talent to join the national defence as compared to

men

Use synonyms

To conclude

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

some

opinion

Fix the agreement mistake

opinions

show examples

may vary, I have a firm conviction that

women

Use synonyms

should be treated equally as compared to

men

Use synonyms

and jobs to serve the nation should be offered to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

suitable

candidate

Fix the agreement mistake

candidates

show examples

irrespective of gender

Submitted by rajeev kumar on Mon Feb 22 2021

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task response

Inadequate development of introduction and conclusion. The essay does not fully address the prompt and overlooks some crucial aspects. More focus and attention to the task should be given.

coherence and cohesion

There is a logical structure in the essay, but the introduction and conclusion are weak and lack depth. The essay lacks coherence in connecting ideas and could benefit from better transition and paragraphing. Linking words and cohesive devices should be used to improve coherence and make the argument more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

319 words

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Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or military. Other think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? (24/02/2024)

Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people in some countries. Is this positive or negative development?

Topic: Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation» To what extent do you agree or disagree?