Popular hobbies and interests over time and are more of a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what an individual really wants to do in his spare time. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

People
like to do some activities for their entertainment in the extra
time
, whenever
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction whenever. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
they get out of their busy schedules. They make these their
hobbies
or gradually they develop their interest in these. Some of them do have their own interests to be fulfilled in their free
time
but, many tend to follow the overall
trends
and fashions in their spare
time
too. Most of the
people
make their
hobbies
which are
practiced
Change the spelling
practised

The spelling of practiced is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
commonly and are affected by the present fashions and latest
trends
which are ought to change sooner or
Later
Correct your spelling
later

The word Later doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
. They think that
doing
Change preposition
by doing

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
so they will be at the same level where the others are in
the
Remove the article
apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

show examples
society and for
some
Add a comma
,some

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase for some. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
these are a status symbol too. Children get affected quickly
for instance
previously collecting stamps, coins, cards of movies, etcetera and playing with these was a major hobby. All these are outdated now and overtaken by internet surfing, playing video games and watching television. Youngsters
too
Replace the word
to

The word too may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

show examples
do not want themselves
legging
Correct your spelling
lagging

The word legging doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
behind and they follow the new
trends
immediately. They mostly follow the factions of
glamour
Add an article
the glamour

The noun phrase glamour world seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
world, boys start joining gyms and girls become interested in the beauty techniques. Some of these are motivated by their parents, guardians or near and dears to opt
a
Change preposition
for a

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
particular activity by saying them be a modern person and be up to date.
Although
they might be having their interest in some other activity.
Moreover
,
the
Remove the article
apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

show examples
advanced technology plays its role too by impacting both urban and rural
people
through various satellite channels on television,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
, etcetera, they developed their
hobbies
accordingly
But, there are other
people
who have definite entertaining ways to be
practiced
Change the spelling
practised

The spelling of practiced is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
in their extra
time
. These may be like playing golf, volleyball, football, cricket or going for a long walk, etcetera. Alike these, painting, drawing, playing some musical instrument which
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject some musical instrument. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
performed by some at any cost. Most of these persons are of a little elder age group who may find these something different from their hectic schedules. To conclude, there are
people
who
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil

The spelling of fulfill is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
their interests and enjoy their
hobbies
in their free
time
but, most of the
people
are dominated by the latest fashions and
trends
in choosing their
hobbies
.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Try other services:

All the services are free for Premium users