IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, some individuals
are
Wrong verb form
have been

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb are. Consider changing it.

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 convinced that big enterprises would benefit more by moving from metropolitan areas to the countryside.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 urban
cities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 have their perks, I strongly believe that the positive aspects of having a
headquarter
Correct subject-verb agreement
headquarters

It seems that the verb headquarter does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 outside the bustling centres
excel
Verb problem
outweigh

There may be a verb use issue here.

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 the drawbacks. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, I will discuss both sides and support my arguments with examples.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, there is no doubt that central
cities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
became
Wrong verb form
have become

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb became. Consider changing it.

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 popular for the facilities
it
Correct pronoun usage
they

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring

It seems that the verb brings does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 to modern life.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is because, since the industrial era, a massive population migrated from secluded places to urban areas in order to find a job in factories and companies,
finding
Wrong verb form
find

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb finding. Consider changing it.

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 a more comfortable life and
establishing
Wrong verb form
establish

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb establishing. Consider changing it.

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 their families in these places.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a person did not need to get on a horse anymore to
go
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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trade potatoes for pieces of wood.
Wherefore
Correct your spelling
Therefore

The word Wherefore doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 people became amazed by the abundance of products found in the
cities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, the infrastructure and the contemporary lifestyle.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, things have changed in the long run, and
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 it may be convenient to live in a metropolis, there are huge negative aspects that come with it. The
cities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are now packed not only with people but with vehicles; the rent has risen as never seen before;
the
Correct word choice
and the

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 basic expenses
became
Wrong verb form
have become

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb became. Consider changing it.

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 exorbitant.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 earns two times the minimum wage in São Paulo, the biggest city
of
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 Latin America, still cannot afford to live in good conditions because the price of living is too high.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if companies provided the opportunity for people to work in a more secluded area, where they could earn a reasonable salary and still be able to have a living where prices are not overestimated, it would not only bring more benefits for workers and their families with a higher quality of life
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction but appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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 but would
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 reduce the taxes paid by enterprises as well. In conclusion, the past history has made
cities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
being
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb being appears to be unnecessary here.

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crowded, expensive and still attractive.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I believe that we will probably see the opposite in the near future, with companies and individuals leaving their fast-paced lives in the metropolis to go after suburban areas where they will have more advantages by paying less taxes and leading more peaceful lives.

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task response
Your essay adequately addresses the task, presents a clear viewpoint, and provides relevant examples. However, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic and avoid going off-topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Try to improve the flow of ideas within the body paragraphs, making sure that each paragraph is linked to the preceding and following ones.
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