Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Arts
reflect the heritage of a country and depict the creativity of an individual. A number of people opine that the regime should invest more capital in sculptures and paintings
so
Correct word choice
apply
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to make the city beautiful.
However
, many believe that financing
in
Change preposition
apply
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such
crafts is a waste of money. I completely agree with the former view for the following reasons.
Firstly
, allocating money to the development and sustenance of
arts
helps boost the economy. Art galleries can attract tourists from all over the world, generating revenue in return.
This
is because when cities experience a high number of visitors,
consequently
, restaurants, hotels and travel agencies
are
Verb problem
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monetarily
benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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from it, which might increase the economic growth of that region. If governments fail to support
arts
fiscally, many art galleries and Museums
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
not be able to survive.
Therefore
, it is as important as science for the true progress of a nation.
Secondly
, it is true that works of art like colourful paintings on the walls of regular buildings and constructing sculptures and murals not only create a nice charming atmosphere of a city but
also
is an interesting way to educate the youngsters.
Furthermore
,
Arts
are important to alleviate crime
from
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in
show examples
society and positively entertain and engage people.
For instance
, a survey conducted by The British Government found that many pieces of research have proved that appreciating
arts
helps people relieve stress.
Thus
resulting in a better place to live in. In conclusion, it is clear to me that spending on
arts
is beneficial both for an individual and society.
Therefore
funding
arts
by the government is not squandering money.
Submitted by mayur.gupta44 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one, and use linking words and phrases to create cohesive and coherent text.
task response
Provide a clearer introduction that states your position clearly and briefly outlines the main points you will cover in the essay. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion sums up your main points and restates your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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