Nowadays, children watch a lot of tv and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health

Technological advancement has had a massive impact on our society.

In particular

, it has literally transformed the lives of the younger generation. The increasing amount of time

children

are spending

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching television and playing

video

games

is becoming a great cause of concern for some people, who believe that these pursuits have a detrimental effect on

children

’s young, impressionable minds. I completely agree that these activities hinder a child’s cognitive development.

To begin

with, watching too much television at home can isolate a child and make him a recluse.

This

is because spending too much time indoors

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apply

show examples

drastically decreases their outdoor activities and in turn, reduces the opportunities to mingle and play with other kids of their age.

For instance

, a child who only watches the telly in his / her free time

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apply

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is inadvertently socially awkward and

consequently

feels lonely and depressed.

Therefore

children

’s mental health is negatively impacted

due to

incessant

Correct article usage

the incessant

show examples

use of ‘the idiot box’.

In addition

, a lot of these

video

games

are related to violence and crime thereby promoting aggressive behaviour among

children

. When they play online

games

perpetually,

children

tend to mimic those virtual actions and abuses in the real world.

This

leads to them becoming more violent and aggressive by nature as they get heavily influenced by the

games

they play. A recent study confirmed

this

theory where it was found that 50% of

children

who play

video

games

continually

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apply

show examples

are belligerent and foul-mouthed.

Hence

, online

games

definitely act as an impairment to positive mental development.

To conclude

, excessive usage of television and

video

games

by youngsters unarguably imperils their mental growth and leads to them becoming socially awkward

as well as

hostile.

Submitted by sheeba.s.hasan on Mon Mar 29 2021

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task response

Ensure that your essay directly responds to the prompt by clearly stating your position in the introduction and providing a balanced discussion in the body paragraphs. Support your arguments with relevant and specific examples to strengthen your points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay generally maintains clear logical progression and coherence. To further improve, consider using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the ideas and to create a smoother flow of information.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

281 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, children watch a lot of tv and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some people argue that mass media only bring negative effect to society and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Air transport is increasingly used to export fruit and vegetables to countries where they cannot be grown or are out of season. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

In the past, knowledge was stored in books. Today, people stored knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages??