Some people think government should ban dangerous sports, such as skydiving and rock climbing. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #government #ban #sports #rock

There is no doubt that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

must have a check on activities that are hazardous to the lives of the community of the country.

Due to

this

, some believe that the state must restrict perilous sporting events like skydiving and

rock

climbing.

However

, I disagree with

this

view and would

Add the particle

like to

show examples

explain why I do so, in

this

essay. First of all, let us try to understand why the public wants a ban on adventurous activities like skydiving and

rock

climbing. At a young

age

Add a comma

age,

show examples

there is a feeling to take adrenaline to its peak;

as a result

, youngsters get into

such

risky

pastime

Fix the agreement mistake

pastimes

show examples

However

this

sometimes results in fatal accidents and injuries. So, these

sports

are expected to be checked by the law so as to safeguard the lives of

such

youth and their families.

Also

such

sports

hardly contribute anything to society, which

nation

Fix the agreement mistake

nations

show examples

think is the duty of the younger generations. So to save them from the dangers of

such

fun and their role towards the community, the laws must strictly govern

such

sports

. Now let us have a look at the other view, youth in every generation has pushed the limits of human capabilities. Athletics

such

as skydiving and

rock

climbing

leads

Correct subject-verb agreement

lead

show examples

develop

Replace the word

the development of

show examples

a strong body

as well as

minds

Fix the agreement mistake

mind

show examples

. With the increasing craze in the new generation, these

sports

have started contributing to the economy of the nation. Even young people nowadays are attracted to tourism with the help of

such

sports

. The modern gears have

also

made

such

dangerous

sports

into safe ones;

for example

, deaths

due to

such

sports

are way less the death that happens in road accidents every year. So,

such

sports

must be encouraged

as per

Change preposition

show examples

my view. In conclusion,

although

sports

sky diving

Correct your spelling

skydiving

show examples

and

rock

climbing seem dangerous to some, I would disagree with

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

modern safety

gears

Fix the agreement mistake

gear

show examples

and training have made

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

safer and they

also

contribute to the economy by encouraging travel and tourism amongst younger crowds.

Submitted by himthakkar98 on Tue Apr 06 2021

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task response

The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt. It presents a clear argument with relevant examples and perspectives. However, ensure that the position is maintained throughout the essay, and elaborate more on the counter-argument for a balanced view.

coherence cohesion

The essay demonstrates a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. The ideas are well-connected, but there could be smoother transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that the progression of ideas is clear and the overall organization of the essay is well-maintained.

lexical resource

The essay showcases a good range of vocabulary with appropriate and varied use of expressions related to the topic. However, ensure that the vocabulary is used accurately and precisely to convey the intended meaning.

grammatical range

The essay displays a commendable command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. However, attention should be given to sentence constructions and the accurate use of grammatical forms and tenses for a more polished and sophisticated expression.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

334 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think government should ban dangerous sports, such as skydiving and rock climbing. Do you agree or disagree.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The threat of nuclear weapons maintains the world peace. The benefits of nuclear technology far out-weight the disadvantages.

Some people believe that environmental problems are too big for individuals ro deal with, while other think that individual should take some action. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many people believe that social networking sites have had a huge negative atibe impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree.

Advantages and disadvantages using internet in the modern era