Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour

Quiet

Correct your spelling

Quite

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a number of individuals

belief

Replace the word

believe

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that forceful attitude usually depicted in movies and video

games

has a negative impact on the population’s behaviour;

however

, some other

people

do not think it does. I

belief

Replace the word

believe

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that watching violence on television or playing violence-oriented

games

has a significant negative effect on how

people

act. Analyzing that young

people

belief

Replace the word

believe

show examples

what they see or hear and that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society is a reflection of what they are exposed to

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

proves

this

To begin

with, young individuals usually agree more with and act based on what they see or hear.

For instance

, children who grew up in peaceful and hospitable environment tend to be more loving and accommodating compared to those that are raised in slums and ghettos. Unfortunately, most of the movies and

games

children are exposed to are those depicting violent characters and acts.

Therefore

, it is safe to say that watching forceful kind of shows or playing

games

with

violent

Add an article

the violent

a violent

show examples

display is likely to influence one’s character badly.

Moreover

, the way a society behaves

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

reflects the kind of information it is exposed to.

For example

, it is known that societies in which information on sexual behaviour are readily available are likely to improve their sexual health than those in which the same information

are

Change the verb form

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concealed. So, when

people

are open to violent shows, they are likely to be deceived

Change preposition

into

show examples

believing that being forceful is the correct way of life. Justifiably, it could be deduced that “what an individual is exposed to may influence them”. To sum up, individuals are influenced by what they see or hear and the way

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

behave reflects what they are exposed to. I think that violence

Change preposition

show examples

contemporary media has a significant impact on the negative behaviour of the populace. With

advancement

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the advancement

show examples

in technology,

this

trend is like to continue.

Submitted by kuyeoj on Thu Apr 15 2021

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

306 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pivotal
desensitize
catalyst
predisposed
harmless outlet
distinguish
controlled environments
empirical research
minimal or no direct correlation
socio-economic status
predisposition

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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

art and music are considred some of the fundamental elements of all societies, and some suggest that hildren should learn them at school. Do you think art and music still have a place in today;s modern wordl of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school ?

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Task 1 The pictures below show how tomato ketchup is made. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. discuss both these views and give yourown opinion.