IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A local school is requesting ideas for renovations. Write to them and include Problems they have now Suggestions to change How they could make these changes

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing with reference to the letter I received yesterday from your school.
Hence
Linking Words
, I would like to extend my suggestions on your request.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I would like to
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
show examples
 the fact that the school is facing difficulties in providing better library facilities to the
students
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of computers is a definite disadvantage for
students
Use synonyms
 studying information technology. In fact, I would like to suggest the below for the betterment of your current and future
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, it is imperative to renovate both the library and
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
show examples
 lab for
students
Use synonyms
 to obtain maximum benefits.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is vital to add more equipment for both premises
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as furniture, computers and books
as
Change preposition
that
show examples
 many
students
Use synonyms
 should have the ability to
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 the facilities at once.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the school could take several approaches to make these changes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, raise
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 funds to make through writing to
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 in the region.
Secondly
Linking Words
, write to the local community club to obtain assistance in finding labour to execute the projects. I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 assist you in achieving your purpose. Yours faithfully, Madonna Samasundera

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task response
Make the plan short and clear. Start with the problem, then a short list of changes, then how to do them.
coherence cohesion
Break long sentences. Put one main idea in each paragraph.
language use
Check words like 'below' and 'emphasise' to keep correct form.
planning
Add a date or steps to show a real plan.
tone
The tone is formal and polite.
greeting and closing
Opening and closing fit the letter.
coherence
There is a clear link of ideas using orders like Firstly, Secondly, Therefore.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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