IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree on disagree?

#people #prison #sentences #criminals #education #job
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays many crimes are committed and prisoners are rapidly increasing in each country.
However
Linking Words
, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 do not agree that prison should be used with criminals but
instead
Linking Words
, trying to use education and giving them more knowledge to be able to work in the future would be a better solution. I partially agree with the statement and I will argue why in more depth.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is clear that as the overall population and social disparities increase, it is likely that more
Correct your spelling
crimes
show examples
crims
Correct your spelling
crimes
show examples
 will be
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 and more prison sentences will be made.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is crucial to find new ways to help prisoners to get a decent life back,
thus
Linking Words
 giving them the tools to do it,
such
Linking Words
 as education and some sort of training to be able to work in different sectors.
For instance
Linking Words
, every jail should offer the opportunity to each prisoner to learn a new job
instead
Linking Words
 of letting these
people
Use synonyms
 be on their own and spending their time fighting between each other.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, in some cases where
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
persons or many
people
Use synonyms
 are killed by some
criminal
Add a comma
,criminal
show examples
 there should be a
strickter
Correct your spelling
stricter
 punishment possibly a life prison sentence.
This
Linking Words
, will probably discourage other
people
Use synonyms
 to commit homicide in the future or at least reduce the number of
this
Linking Words
 kind of deaths. In conclusion, I agree with the fact that for minor crimes there should be a different plan for prisoners in order to allow them to reintegrate into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
However
Linking Words
, serious punishment must be given to
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 committed homicide.
Submitted by manfredireale on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: