IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some areas of world people love to live in traditional lifestyle while in other regions they have a modern living standard.Why it happens?Discuss both views for supporting of your topic.

#areas #world #people #love #lifestyle #regions #topic
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 love to live in
traditional
Correct article usage
a traditional
show examples
lifestyple
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
refions
Correct your spelling
regions
 they have a modern
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 change
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 when
people
Use synonyms
 from one
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
 accept modern life or they leave their land to go work or
studies
Fix the agreement mistake
study
show examples
 in other countries. I will discuss both the views in upcoming paragraph to support my view.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of every country
people
Use synonyms
 tend to stay out modern
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and keep themselves connected with their roots. It happens in
villege
Correct your spelling
village
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 in big amount.
People
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
rular
Correct your spelling
rural
 areas believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern culture is not for them and tend to stay with their roots and live the way their elders
spended
Correct your spelling
spend
 their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, In India
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 in
background
Correct article usage
the background
show examples
 area believe that
land
Correct article usage
the land
show examples
 is their mother and their
traditionals
Correct your spelling
traditions
traditional
 are their father and they cannot leave their parents and accept something new.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
pople
Correct your spelling
people
 nowadays going to adopt modern culture and
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their traditional
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 behind by following the rat race of accepting
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 culture. It can commonly be seen in big
citties
Correct your spelling
cities
 of approximately every country.
People
Use synonyms
 in these areas
things
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that it is important for them to grow and explore new things and they want something new from what their parents have seen and been through. In search of more than they
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 they leave their tradition behind.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who go abroad for higher studies in to find
work
Add a comma
work,
show examples
 they
also
Linking Words
 end up joining the modern
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I would like to say
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is nothing wrong with living in either of
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, but if someone is accepting something new that does not mean they have to leave what they. We should always
remeber
Correct your spelling
remember
 our roots.
Submitted by vsingh39 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need improvement. The main points are generally supported but could be presented in a more organized manner.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task but lacks a clear and comprehensive development of ideas. The response contains relevant examples, but they could be presented more effectively to support the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: