IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You rent an apartment and you are quite happy with it but you want to suggest a renovation. Write a letter about your suggestion. In your letter, you should tell: - Your appreciation of current condition - What is the renovation and why? - What is the benefits of your suggestion?

#rent #apartment #renovation #suggestion #appreciation #condition
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my gratitude for the apartment that I have been ranting for 3 months.I cannot express how thankful I am that you helped me with finding
flat
Correct article usage
a flat
show examples
 and gave me
this
 beautiful room.I have studied design for flats and houses, that
why
Add a missing verb
is why
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 I would like to suggest a few
renovation
Change to a plural noun
renovations
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 and to improve your apartment.
Firstly
, I
recognised
Wrong verb form
recognise
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 that winter here is very cold, so it would be great if you installed a
heat
Change the verb form
heating
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 system for
floor
Correct article usage
the floor
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, which will be very convenient for
tenant
Correct article usage
the tenant
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.
Also
, there is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of fresh air in the toilet and shower room.
For example
, you can buy new conditioners which will spread
a
Correct article usage
apply
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fresh air all around and remove bad air.
Moreover
, there is no hatch in the shower and water has no way out of the room.I think that you need to
made
Change the verb
make
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 a little hatch there, because I usually
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 a lot of blankets to deal with that water. I hope the information that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 provided you with is useful. Yours faithfully, Saveliy Dychenko
Submitted by roman.antonyak16 on

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task response
Ensure that the letter fully addresses the task by providing detailed information about the suggested renovations and their benefits. Focus on one main idea per paragraph for better organization.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the coherence and cohesion by using appropriate paragraphing and more cohesive devices to connect ideas. Also, work on using a more formal and appropriate greeting and closing for a letter.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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