IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think that employees should ensure a pleasant working environment so that workers feel valued and will therefore work hard. Others feel that employers should be more strict with employees and monitor them closely to ensure they work hard. What is your opinion?

#people #employees #environment #workers #work #employers
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Nowadays, some employers reckon that if their
employees
be
Change the verb form
are
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 valued, they will do their occupation better.
On the other hand
, there are some
people
 who believe that
workers
 must be hardly monitored; on account of
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they will do their best. But the question is: which one is more important? Being valued or being monitored hardly? In my view, being valued plays a major role in
job-satisfying
Correct your spelling
job satisfying
show examples
;
thus
, administrators and executives and other employers should consider that
employees
 with job-satisfying will do their best certainly.
For instance
, mutual respect is one of the most important factors that directly
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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the working environment and because of that
workers
 will feel valued.
However
, employers shouldn’t forget that these are
employees
 which made the fair.
Also
, monitoring has a major impact on
people
 who work in an organization. Those
people
 must know that their vocation will be monitored and they will be respondent for what they will do. But remember that the monitoring process should be done respectively and
workers
 shouldn’t be uncomfortable during the process. Some
people
 think that
employees
 should be hardly monitored and they don’t believe in
employees
-rights; don’t forget that
workers
 are not our slaves!
This
 bad opinion can be useful but
this
 will be temporary; eventually, those firms which are managing with
this
 idea will
be destroy
Change the verb form
be destroyed
show examples
 soon. To summarize, if you are an employer, considering the
employees
-rights must be in your priority and your
workers
 should feel valued
first
,
then
 you can and you should monitor them with mutual respect.
Submitted by nataly280480 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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