IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

government should invest more money in science education rather than other subjects to develop the country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #science #education #subjects #country
It is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
certainly true that. Technology briskly increases day by day.
Furthermore
, people can get many types of knowledge about their study.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 it is very essential for everyone. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
in the modern technology we can handle
lots
 of work.
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
this
,
education
 is very effortless in
this
 technology. So I partially agree with
this
 statement.
First
 of all, I opine that government should invest too much money in
science
education
.
Furthermore
,robots are very inevitable in
future
. People can get
effortless
Change the adjective
effortlessly
show examples
 get
lots
 of
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
. As well as they can earn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lots
 of money. With the help of
science
Add a comma
,science
show examples
 we can reach
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the moon.As well as we can live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the moon and see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lots
 of things. So
science
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 be more developed in the modern world.
Furthermore
, scientist
discover
Change the verb form
discovers
show examples
lots
 of places on the moon. So
science
 increases very inevitably.
On the other hand
, Here
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will describe
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
subjects
. Some subject
also
 very necessary for everyone like as, math, history computer
science
 and
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
.
However
,
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
subjects
 are very significant for people. With the help of ,
computer
Add an article
the computer
show examples
 we can see everything related to
science
education
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
this
, we can get a lot of experience from these
subjects
. It is very helpful in our
future
. So some important
subjects
 very good for the
future
. To summarise, according to
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
science
education
 is very essential in the modern world. So government should provide money for
science
education
. With the help of
science
 ,
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 we can make a good
future
. it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
very beneficial for
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation.
Submitted by kuldeepmalaudh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: