Children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #people #government #responsibility

Children

are becoming fat and unhealthy.It is thought that the government have to be responsible for

this

promblem

Correct your spelling

problem

However

, I completely disagree with

this

idea for

these

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

following reasons. To start with the factors

cause

Correct pronoun usage

that cause

show examples

obesity in

children

First

of all , the main reason why

children

are overweight is the eating habits. Each

children

Change to a singular noun

child

show examples

has their own favourite

food

and almost

kids

Correct quantifier usage

all kids

show examples

love junk

food

and snack.They can eat

this

food

a lot without eating rice or some vegetable.

That is

bad for their health.The fat in the junk

food

will make them

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

quickly and

kids

can come down to some diseases.

Secondly

, today

children

are lazy in doing exercises so they are

unactive

Correct your spelling

inactive

show examples

and fat.The

children

often play

game

Add an article

the game

show examples

online or sit in front of

Add an article

the TV

a TV

show examples

all day and they spend less time on outdoor activities.The more overweight they are, the lazier they play outside.

For example

, we can see many

children

in the past, they were active and fit . But now

children

are

unactive

Correct your spelling

inactive

show examples

and fat. The most important difference is that in the past,

children

played outside

moren

Correct your spelling

than today.So taking part in outdoor activities is very necessary. With these reasons I explain below, I can say that the government should not be responsible for

this

problem.Only parents should have

responsibilty

Correct your spelling

responsibility

for

this

.They are parents and they have to take

noice

Correct your spelling

notice

of their

children

. They have to make

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good eating

habits

Correct the article-noun agreement

habit

show examples

and a healthy diet for their

kids

Morever

Correct your spelling

Moreover

, they should

encourge

Correct your spelling

encourage

their offspring to do exercise

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

and join in more outdoor

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

activity

. To sum up , parents have to keep their

children

in shape and healthy.They should help

kids

have

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

eating habit when

kids

Change the verb form

are

show examples

small with a view to reducing the obesity in

children

at least.

Submitted by Dương Nguyễn on Tue May 04 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

We should return to traditional and older values of respect for family and community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

one of the consequences of the medical care is that people are living longer and expentensy is increasing Do you think this advantage of development overwieghts the disadvantage?

In many countries people use electric devices for daily house chores while some think it is an expensive energy source and we ought to use gas instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.?

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factor contributes to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?