Children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #people #government #responsibility

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Children

Use synonyms

are becoming fat and unhealthy.It is thought that the government have to be responsible for

this

Linking Words

promblem

Correct your spelling

problem

However

Linking Words

, I completely disagree with

this

Linking Words

idea for

these

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

following reasons. To start with the factors

cause

Correct pronoun usage

that cause

show examples

obesity in

children

Use synonyms

First

Linking Words

of all , the main reason why

children

Use synonyms

are overweight is the eating habits. Each

Use synonyms

children

Change to a singular noun

child

show examples

has their own favourite

food

Use synonyms

and almost

Use synonyms

kids

Correct quantifier usage

all kids

show examples

love junk

food

Use synonyms

and snack.They can eat

this

Linking Words

food

Use synonyms

a lot without eating rice or some vegetable.

That is

Linking Words

bad for their health.The fat in the junk

food

Use synonyms

will make them

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

quickly and

kids

Use synonyms

can come down to some diseases.

Secondly

Linking Words

, today

children

Use synonyms

are lazy in doing exercises so they are

unactive

Correct your spelling

inactive

show examples

and fat.The

children

Use synonyms

often play

game

Add an article

the game

show examples

online or sit in front of

Add an article

the TV

a TV

show examples

all day and they spend less time on outdoor activities.The more overweight they are, the lazier they play outside.

For example

Linking Words

, we can see many

children

Use synonyms

in the past, they were active and fit . But now

children

Use synonyms

are

unactive

Correct your spelling

inactive

show examples

and fat. The most important difference is that in the past,

children

Use synonyms

played outside

moren

Correct your spelling

than today.So taking part in outdoor activities is very necessary. With these reasons I explain below, I can say that the government should not be responsible for

this

Linking Words

problem.Only parents should have

responsibilty

Correct your spelling

responsibility

for

this

Linking Words

.They are parents and they have to take

noice

Correct your spelling

notice

of their

children

Use synonyms

. They have to make

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good eating

habits

Correct the article-noun agreement

habit

show examples

and a healthy diet for their

kids

Use synonyms

Morever

Correct your spelling

Moreover

, they should

encourge

Correct your spelling

encourage

their offspring to do exercise

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

and join in more outdoor

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

activity

. To sum up , parents have to keep their

children

Use synonyms

in shape and healthy.They should help

kids

Use synonyms

have

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

eating habit when

kids

Use synonyms

Change the verb form

are

show examples

small with a view to reducing the obesity in

children

Use synonyms

at least.

Submitted by Dương Nguyễn on Tue May 04 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Nowadays, more and more people ffrom different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and effects on the people themselves and their families.
The contemporary society, an increasing number of citizens from other cities are invest lots of time away from their families. This writer believe that this is a positive development due to they do not waste this time, it bring more benefit for a grow up nation.
4
band
In some nations ,they have the option to import food fr all around the glob. To what extent do you think its benefits outweigh the drawbacks?
Many countries bring food from other countries .Some people see that importing goods has many advantages for the nation and others see the opposite.At the rist of the paragraphs I am going to mention the positive and negitive aspects of that topic.
5.5
band
The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that many countries around the globe spent an enormous amount of money on the reconstruction of old buildings. While a majority of people claim that the means should be directed to an enhancement of roads and housing, I disagree that the issue of old states is less important because of some reasons.
7.5
band
The responsibility of preventing and reducing global environmental damage lies in the hands of politicians and individuals have little impact. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Environmental problems have risen alarmingly worldwide. Many believe that people individually have less power to solve this phenomenon. I disagree with those who argue that this responsibility belongs only to politicians because a comprehensive collaboration is urgently needed.
6.5
band
Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on the young people reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree
In the current century, computers and mobile phones have completely changed people's lives. Youngsters are the group of society which is affected by this new technology the most. Some people believe that it has negative effects on them, including reading and writing skills. I totally agree with this opinion and I believe that technology has its cons in minors' ability to read and write.

Children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays, more and more people ffrom different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and effects on the people themselves and their families.

In some nations ,they have the option to import food fr all around the glob. To what extent do you think its benefits outweigh the drawbacks?

The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The responsibility of preventing and reducing global environmental damage lies in the hands of politicians and individuals have little impact. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on the young people reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree