Children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Children
are becoming fat and unhealthy.It is thought that the government have to be responsible for
this
promblem
Correct your spelling
problem

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.
However
, I completely disagree with
this
idea for
these
Correct determiner usage
the

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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following reasons. To start with the factors
cause
Correct pronoun usage
that cause

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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obesity in
children
.
First
of all , the main reason why
children
are overweight is the eating habits. Each
children
Change to a singular noun
child

The singular quantifier Each is followed by the plural noun children. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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has their own favourite
food
and almost
kids
Correct quantifier usage
all kids

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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love junk
food
and snack.They can eat
this
food
a lot without eating rice or some vegetable.
That is
bad for their health.The fat in the junk
food
will make them
obesity
Replace the word
obese

The word obesity doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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quickly and
kids
can come down to some diseases.
Secondly
, today
children
are lazy in doing exercises so they are
unactive
Correct your spelling
inactive

The word unactive doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and fat.The
children
often play
game
Add an article
the game

The noun phrase game seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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online or sit in front of
TV
Add an article
the TV
a TV

The noun phrase TV seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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all day and they spend less time on outdoor activities.The more overweight they are, the lazier they play outside.
For example
, we can see many
children
in the past, they were active and fit . But now
children
are
unactive
Correct your spelling
inactive

The word unactive doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and fat. The most important difference is that in the past,
children
played outside
moren
Correct your spelling
more

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than today.So taking part in outdoor activities is very necessary. With these reasons I explain below, I can say that the government should not be responsible for
this
problem.Only parents should have
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility

The word responsibilty is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

for
this
.They are parents and they have to take
noice
Correct your spelling
notice

The word noice is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

of their
children
. They have to make
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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good eating
habits
Correct the article-noun agreement
habit

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun habits in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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and a healthy diet for their
kids
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover

The word Morever is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

, they should
encourge
Correct your spelling
encourage

The word encourge is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

their offspring to do exercise
everyday
Replace the word
every day

The word everyday may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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and join in more outdoor
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity

The word activites is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

. To sum up , parents have to keep their
children
in shape and healthy.They should help
kids
have
healthy
Add an article
a healthy

The noun phrase healthy eating habit seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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eating habit when
kids
is
Change the verb form
are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject kids. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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small with a view to reducing the obesity in
children
at least.
Submitted by Dương Nguyễn on

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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