Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility to provide care and finance to support people after they retire. Others, however, think that individuals themselves should save money in their own when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion. > DISCUSS AND OPINION

believe that the
should take care of old
and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience. It is true that when
advance into their golden years, they require more help and attention. For that reason, a significant number of
hold the opinion that the
should provide financial assistance to the elderly.
, I tend to agree with those who argue that workers should be saving a portion of their income to have a nest egg in their retirement.
To begin
with, a culture of saving rather than depending on the
may foster the overall economic development of a country.
In other words
, if
were to accumulate their own savings for their pension age, it would lessen the financial burden on the
As a result
, the
would be able to release more funds to more productive purposes,
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the development

The noun phrase development seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of infrastructure, industries, hospitals, and so on, which may expedite the overall progression of a country.
In addition
to economic factors, putting money aside has some personal benefits. Since savings-oriented
are not dependent on the state for their living expenses,
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The spelling of instill is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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a sense of self-respect and pride in them.
On the other hand
, those who are reliant on financial assistance very often face the negative societal stigma, as many
consider them to be inferior and unworthy members of society.
, to live a life with dignity and pride, taking responsibility for
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The word funding doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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one’s own retirement is evidently a better option from
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an individual
the individual

The noun phrase individual perspective seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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