Rates of diabetes and obesity are increasing in many countries around the world. Some people think that the government should ban soft drinks and sugary snacks from schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this proposal?

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A healthy nations
Correct the article-noun agreement
Healthy nations
A healthy nation

The indefinite article A may not be required with the plural noun nations in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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only can build a healthy generation. Nowadays
the
Change the article
a

It appears that the phrase large number does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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large number of diseases are increased in many countries around the world which is Diabetes and Obesity sugary
esity
Correct your spelling
site
website
entity

The word esity is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

.
However
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, a fair amount of people
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believe
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belive
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believe

The word belive doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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that soft
drinks
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and sugary
snacks
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should prohibit from schools by the ministry. I strongly agree with
this
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manifesto and I will be mentioning my points in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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with, there are many reasons to support
this
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project.
First
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, the children are mostly affected
to
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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these kinds of
snacks
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

therefore
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,
this
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scheme will initiate to start in school while they will get
a
Change the article
an

The article a may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word awareness.

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awareness
anout
Correct your spelling
about

The word anout is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

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this foods
Change the determiner
this food
these foods

It appears that the singular demonstrative this is modifying the plural noun foods. Consider using a plural demonstrative or a singular noun instead.

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.
Secondly
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, every school is taught moral value, and good habit in order
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a child can survive not only the knowledge but
also
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good and bad things.
Secondely
Correct your spelling
Secondly

The word Secondely is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

, if the ruling party should forbid unhealthy
drinks
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
snacks
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

since
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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schools, the kids never prefer to taste with these kinds
in other words
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they may become hate health spoiled foods.
For example
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,
Correct your spelling
recent
recend
Correct article usage
a recend

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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survey said that clearly more than 80% of the babies are being addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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sugary
snacks
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and soft
drinks
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Furthermore
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, when the
administation
Correct your spelling
administration

The word administation is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

stop these kinds of items, undoubtedly the
next
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generation people have a chance to avoid
this
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disease
such
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as
obesidy
Correct your spelling
obesity

The word obesidy is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

and diabetes. In ,addition, if the executive block these products while the amount
production
Change preposition
of production

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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may become decrease in order to many companies would produce organic food item
instead
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of
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental

The word deterimental is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

products
as a result
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,
this
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can lead to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing

The verb reduce may be in the wrong form after the preposition to. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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the disease level.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many children affected
of
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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diabets
Correct your spelling
diabetes

The word diabets is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

and obesity in
busy
Add an article
a busy

The noun phrase busy world seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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world.
For example
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, many developed countries are already strictly followed
this
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idea from their
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schools
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shools
Correct your spelling
schools

The word shools doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and they are given
nutrition
Correct article usage
a nutrition

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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food chart to the parents in order to they will build a healthy nation. To conclude, in
this
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modern era, technology is growing day-by-day in
various
Change the article
a various

It appears that the article usage in the phrase various way is incorrect. Consider making a change.

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way .
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Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Nevertheless
Add a comma
,Nevertheless

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Nevertheless. Consider adding a comma.

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people can not awareness
about
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their health
as a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, automatically disease ratio is
extanded
Correct your spelling
extended

The word extanded is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the cabinet should suppress
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental

The word deterimental is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

sugary
snacks
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and soft
drinks
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from school in
oder
Correct your spelling
order

The word oder is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

to we can create a better world
this
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means we would
be stay
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stay

It appears that the form of the verb stay does not work with be in this sentence.

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away from diseases.

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