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Band 4.5

Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and it will be harmful for children.

#computer #games #ages #nationalities #parents #value #children
These days
computer
games
 are very popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all people, in specifics
children
, but
parents
 argue that has little educational value and it will be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
children
.
Although
 I
am disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
 with
this
 idea, there are a few bad aspects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
computer
games
 that I think
parents
 should care about. On the one hand,
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 game is a hobby for
children
 and there is no need for a hobby to be educational.
Children
 need some time to spend on entertaining themselves.
Computer
games
 are one of the most entertaining hobbies today,
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
parents
 should not be
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 restrictive on playing of their
children
, Beside that there are plenty of educational
games
 that tries to teach
children
lesson
Change the noun form
lessons
show examples
such
 as math, a foreign language or social etiquette.
Parents
 can encourage their
children
play
Add the particle
to play
show examples
 these type of
games
 more.
On the other hand
,
parents
 have to be
concern
Add an article
a concern
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
about
children
’s addiction to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
games
.
Children
 get addicted to
computer
games
 easily.
Parents
 should control how much
children
 play video
games
 and what
games
 they play. Many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
popular
games
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action
games
 in which the
carecters
Correct your spelling
characters
 need to fight or kill others,
this
 can harm them and may cause mental issues in
children
. Fortunately, game companies specify the age limitation on their products, and
parents
 must control them. In Conclusion, It is not necessary that a hobby,
such
 as
computer
games
, be educational, but there are some things,
such
 as gaming, that
parents
 need to be concern about.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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