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Band 4.5

Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and it will be harmful for children.

#computer #games #ages #nationalities #parents #value #children
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These days
computer
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games
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 are very popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all people, in specifics
children
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, but
parents
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 argue that has little educational value and it will be harmful
for
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to
show examples
children
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.
Although
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 I
am disagree
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disagree
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 with
this
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 idea, there are a few bad aspects
in
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of
show examples
computer
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games
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 that I think
parents
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 should care about. On the one hand,
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computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
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 game is a hobby for
children
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 and there is no need for a hobby to be educational.
Children
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 need some time to spend on entertaining themselves.
Computer
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games
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 are one of the most entertaining hobbies today,
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
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parents
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 should not be
to
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too
show examples
 restrictive on playing of their
children
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, Beside that there are plenty of educational
games
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 that tries to teach
children
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lesson
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lessons
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such
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 as math, a foreign language or social etiquette.
Parents
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 can encourage their
children
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play
Add the particle
to play
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 these type of
games
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 more.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
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 have to be
concern
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a concern
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the
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apply
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about
children
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’s addiction to
the
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apply
show examples
computer
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games
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.
Children
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 get addicted to
computer
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games
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 easily.
Parents
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 should control how much
children
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 play video
games
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 and what
games
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 they play. Many
of
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apply
show examples
popular
games
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 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action
games
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 in which the
carecters
Correct your spelling
characters
 need to fight or kill others,
this
Linking Words
 can harm them and may cause mental issues in
children
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. Fortunately, game companies specify the age limitation on their products, and
parents
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 must control them. In Conclusion, It is not necessary that a hobby,
such
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 as
computer
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games
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, be educational, but there are some things,
such
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 as gaming, that
parents
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 need to be concern about.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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