IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries, senior positions have higher salaries compared to those of young workers of the same company. Some people think this isn’t justified. Do you agree or disagree

#countries #positions #salaries #workers #company #people #isn’t
Nowadays, the employees are often salaried according to their position. There are some people who think that all
staff
 could be paid equally. I totally disagree with
this
 view as position and
work
 experience need to be taken into account while fixing the salary package.
Firstly
, senior positions come with a lot of responsibilities and workload. Their performance greatly responsible for the success or failure of the firm so they required to
work
 hard to ensure the smooth functioning of the office.
For example
, Ellon Musk,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the CEO of Tesla, he works around 18 hours a day and sacrifices his personal life for the benefits of the company. By considering, all these, staffs who held in the top-level deserve a better wage package than lower-class workers.
Secondly
, if the senior
staff
 may not be paid with good remuneration, certainly, they rarely dedicate themselves
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the company's growth. The senior
staff
, who have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich working experience and skills, utilize their ability to empower the firm When everyone pays equally, they may feel that they are insignificant in the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
This
 may damage
work
 morale, eventually, workers may not contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the employer benefits. Since the junior
staff
 have less experience and skill, they hardly drive the company
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
the right direction.
Therefore
, as seniors contribution is immense, they should be highly salaried. In conclusion, differences in the pay scale often create argument among people.
However
, in my opinion, salary needs to be provided based on the position of the employee as each job titles come with an increasing amount of workload
Submitted by Sal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: