IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people o take interest in the arts?

#art #part #cultures #world #people #focus #science #technology #business #interest #arts
Art
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
inherent part of a culture and has many directions, without
art
people
 not go up in a developing soul. Cinema, theatre, literature,
Adancing
Correct your spelling
Dancing
Advancing
, music, architecture, fine
art
 is a performance of
art
.
People
 always try to reflect and transmit all of the beauties to
Add a hyphen
next-generation
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation, artists have been drawn historical events, attractive
people
, wonderful landscapes, best episodes of life every
time
. The music gives a mood of
author
Correct article usage
the author
show examples
, in dancing dancer can show plastic and rhythm of movements, theatre and cinema is an
art
 of human emotions, funny or tragic events by the life of
people
. Architectures- are
art
Add an article
the art
an art
show examples
 of
combination
Correct article usage
a combination
show examples
 of glass and stone and so on. The
art
 called any creation of
Correct article usage
a talent
show examples
talent
Replace the word
talented
show examples
 person. Talents are more, but only over
time
 real masterpieces are appreciated. At that
time
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 are busy
Change preposition
with another
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 governance, as science, technology and business. Because these
people
 often busy with gadgets, computer games and not have
time
 for cultural activities after work,
on the other hand
, nowadays the
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
 situation is prevented for
art
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
. Another side of
this
 problem is the governments passed not so much money for
art
 flourishing, a large part of
art
 workers earned few money,
therefore
 youngest do choice to business and technologies. If the government would encourage
art
 with
way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
 of advertisement how
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 important to visit cultural places for everybody,
people
 began thinking about cultural raising and
try
Add the particle
totry
show examples
 visit cultural places. Even in family parents tells
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their children about
valuable
Replace the word
values
show examples
 of culture, what it gives and appreciate
art
. To sum up, everywhere we can see a creating of
people
, what we called
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
art
, I think we must see
these attractiveness
Change the determiner
this attractiveness
show examples
 and appreciate what
create
Replace the word
creative
show examples
 talents.
Submitted by Gaini on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic growth
  • STEM subjects
  • Job security
  • Financial success
  • Pragmatic
  • Utilitarian pursuits
  • Art education
  • Inclusive
  • Engaging
  • Contemporary society
  • Social issues
  • Environmental themes
  • Digital platforms
  • Virtual museums
  • Interactive art
What to do next:
Look at other essays: