IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that puplic health is a the responsibility of the government while others think people should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #puplic #health #responsibility #government
Everyone desire better
health
 , the majority of
people
 believe that public
heatlh
Correct your spelling
health
 is an accountability of the government while others consider every
people
 accountable for their own
health
 . In my opinion , both views are relevant. On the one hand , the government should be careful with
people
 many-sided
also
 to public
health
. Since
thegovernment
Correct your spelling
the government
 is consisting of
people
 . If
people
 die more , the government
also
 die.
Therefore
 authority establishes some rules in order to maintain public
health
. A prime example of
this
 could be Covid-19 ,that time the number of countries implant restrictions and keep a lot of
people
's lives whilst other authorities did not pay attention so much and implant very little limitation .
As a result
 in that
countriy
Correct your spelling
country
Add a comma
,
show examples
more
people
 died.
On the other hand
, everyone's
health
 is necessary
firstly
 for themselves . If they want to be a healthy person , they should care for themself .
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 eating healthy food , every half year goes to the doctor consult and do sport.
However
 they do not want it , not only doctors but
also
 fascinator does not help them. In conclusion , not only authority but
also
people
 responsible for their own
health
.
However
 the latter more .
Submitted by sarvarovich98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: