IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#athletes #role #models #people #support
Some
people
 believe that athletes can influence the youth by becoming an incredible inspiration for them. In my opinion, professional players have a significant role in society as they can set an example for others which encourages young individuals to become
Add an article
a
show examples
better person.
To begin
 with, physical fitness motivates youngsters to keep fit.
This
 is because they follow their role model.Nowadays each celebrity updates their daily routine on the internet by various social platforms, what they are doing stay healthy and strong.
For instance
, PT Usha of famous athlete of India giving tips on youtube that how individuals can make their muscles strong and what kind of food they need to avoid.
As a result
, a number of young
people
 follow her. Another reason behind that, every youngster want to become famous in their life. So they make choices according to what they watch, from whom they influenced.
In addition
, most of the famous athlete belongs to middle-class families they achieved the platform by doing hard work and because of their dedication.Yet they can easily convince pupils towards them.
However
, a few great athletes can make young
people
 misunderstand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sportsmanship.There is the reason behind that, many players reached to
platform
Add an article
the platform
a platform
show examples
 which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them attract media attention or social attention. Due to that teenagers love sports because of ame and wealth rather than learning cooperation, partnership. ,
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
this
 kind of behaviour has an adverse effect on
people
. In conclusion, it is clear that players can become
Add an article
a
show examples
marvellous role model.
Therefore
 the young
people
 should able to differentiate the margin between positive and negative influence.
Submitted by daisysharma0087 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: