IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngesters under the age of 18. Some psychologist claim that the basic reason for this is that children thesedays are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent you agree or disagree ?

#figures #show #crime #youngesters #age #psychologist #reason #children #thesedays #parents #teachers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
According to some psychologist nowadays there is an increase in juvenile crime due to the lack of appropriate
parents
Use synonyms
' attention to their
pfsprings
Correct your spelling
offsprings
 and shortage of social and mental education in the institutions and I agree that
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 factors are major of the reasons.
Curent
Correct your spelling
Current
parents
Use synonyms
 trying to hard work to meet families' requires and feed their
children
Use synonyms
 often miss their
primory
Correct your spelling
primary
 duties to
behaive
Correct your spelling
behave
 their
children
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, some
parents
Use synonyms
 spending all their
time
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aproaching
Correct your spelling
approaching
 work promotions to earn more money often forgot about their
children
Use synonyms
 who suffer from needs of
parents
Use synonyms
' attention and love. That
yough
Correct your spelling
you
 often become aggressive and known as badly
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 pupils who trying to get attention
become
Add the particle
to become
show examples
 more anxious and rebel. A lot of that
children
Use synonyms
 most of their
time
Use synonyms
 being alone sometimes can not understand any sense of respect to the rules of society or laws. Being most of
Use synonyms
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 at school, it is teachers after families, who can find out about
children
Use synonyms
 issues and could support
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in the
time
Use synonyms
, avoiding involvement
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the criminal world.
Education
Add an article
The education
show examples
 system should provide
approprite
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 psychological tools to detect that
straggle
Correct your spelling
struggle
show examples
 youth and help them. Teachers and mentors having
require
Change the verb form
required
show examples
 qualification need to work with
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
suffer
Replace the word
suffering
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 and teach them about
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of that criminal activities.
Foe
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
 example,
acording
Correct your spelling
according
 to one study, a lot of crimes were
commit
Change the form of the verb
committed
show examples
 by youngsters due to peers pressure and teachers being more involved in
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 lives of their pupils could
be prevent
Change the verb form
prevent
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues. In conclusion, I believe that there are many reasons for the current crime rate among young people but the key reason is the absence of the sufficient educational process in families and education facilities.
Submitted by ainash3107 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: