IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #rate #unemployment #pupils #education #point #hope #job
In many
countries
 the world over, graduates are facing difficulties in getting jobs.
Consequently
, there has been, in recent years, a growing body of opinion in favour of not offering secondary
education
 to primary students, living in a country of high-level of unemployment. Being a rational mind, I,
however
, take issue with
this
 notion, for I am of the view that without higher
education
, it is
next
 to impossible to become a good business person or to migrate to developed
countries
. Among the ratiocination to buttress my stance, the one that stands out deals with the significance of a college or university degree as a way to become an entrepreneur.
In other words
,
education
 degrees not only help people get a
job
 but
also
 boost confidence to erect their own enterprise, creating many employment opportunities for others. To cite an example, in Cape Town, where
job
 opportunities were almost zero in 2000, the country’s graduates built their own business and gave jobs to the locals, resulting in increasing the nation’s economy as well as the rate of employment.
Therefore
, secondary
education
 is imperative whether a country has
job
 opportunities or not. Another critical rationale in reference to why secondary
education
 should be offered after completing the primary level is necessarily synonymous with changing the fate and face of the penurious situation through migrating to other
countries
. To be more precise, if anyone completes ones’ college as well as tertiary level, he or she can easily find a
job
 available in other parts of the world and get out from the curse of unemployment. To exemplify, in South Sudan, a country having no
job
, 20% of graduates migrated to developed
countries
 with a view to get a coveted
job
 and change their lives. In essence, to become self-dependent and find a
job
 in different
countries
, it is incumbent on us to offer secondary
education
 after the primary level without considering the
job
 availability.
Submitted by shawlin90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal access
  • knowledgeable workforce
  • economic growth
  • critical thinking
  • social equality
  • self-employment
  • entrepreneurship
  • cycle of poverty
  • vocational training
  • job market needs
  • specialized fields
  • modern economies
  • innovation
  • diverse and dynamic economy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: