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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that young people should spend their free time with teir families instead of enjoying outside entertainment. However, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #teir #families #entertainment
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In recent times, the need to organize adolescents spare
time
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 is an issue all over the world. Nowadays, it is no longer clear
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as
Add the preposition
toas
show examples
 how should youngsters spend their free
time
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. There are those who believe that teenagers should spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 with their family, while others argue that young
people
Use synonyms
 should do some outdoor activity.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, those who believe that youngsters should spend more
time
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 with their family, say so for several reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, family members should spend
qulity
Correct your spelling
quality
time
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 together in order to build a healthy environment, which should be managed in their spare
time
Use synonyms
, since they are busy during the day.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if they are spending more
time
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 together, they could have fun together, while
parents
Use synonyms
 could look
afther
Correct your spelling
after
 their kids, and parenting them in a more
efficent
Correct your spelling
efficient
 way. Despite
these view
Change the determiner
this view
these views
show examples
, there are those who state young
people
Use synonyms
 should spend their
time
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 outside with their friends and
sibilings
Correct your spelling
siblings
.
First
Linking Words
 of all, these
people
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 say adolescents should go out with their friends and socialise while
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
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 doing some
activityes
Correct your spelling
activities
.
For example
Linking Words
, young
people
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 should play some team sports together, which may
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 them to make new friendships and it could help them to develop their social skills.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it could help
building
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to build
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 trust between
parents
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 and their kids.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
teenager
Add an article
a teenager
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 can go out by themselves, it
shoes
Correct your spelling
shows
show examples
 them their
parents
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 trust them, which could help
bulding
Correct your spelling
building
 a healthy relationship between them. In conclusion,
spendig
Correct your spelling
spending
spend
time
Use synonyms
 with family is important for both
parents
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 and children
also
Linking Words
 youngsters should spend enough
time
Use synonyms
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
 with their friends. It is in my opinion that a mixe of both these views is necessary to rise up
a healthy children
Correct the article-noun agreement
healthy children
a healthy child
show examples
.
Submitted by davidwillphone on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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