Many people think happiness relies upon the responsibility of individuals, others think that is affected by other factors. Discuss both views and state your opinion

Achieving
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
is the greatest goal of all human beings, there are two points of views that I will be discussing in
essay
Add an article
the essay
show examples
. One is the belief that
happiness
is a personal responsibility and
on the other hand
, to what extend
happiness
is determined by external factors.
Certainly
Add a comma
,Certainly
show examples
happiness
is a state of mind and the majority of
individuals
under normal
circunstances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
are capable of controlling their thoughts.
Therefore
, based on that premise it could be stated that
individuals
are in charge of their own feelings.
For instance
, if today it is a rainy day and a person decides to look at the positive side of the situation, he or she will determine the mood they will have for the rest of the day.
Moreover
, there are certain factors that might influence the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
state of mind,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
when basic needs
such
as
pshysiological
Correct your spelling
physiological
, belonging and safety needs are not satisfied it
consequently
will impact
individual´s
Correct article usage
an individual´s
show examples
mood.
For instance
, if a person has no health and is not able to work he or she can not provide shelter, food
ans
Correct your spelling
and
so on, probably it is harder for
this
person to control his emotions and decide to be happy since his or her thoughts are focus on the crucial things that are missing. Once safety is achieved,
individuals
are able to manage their emotional state. In conclusion, it is true that
happiness
is a matter of self-responsibility to
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
point,
individuals
since
individuals
are in control of their emotions.
However
, there are some important facts that will directly influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
peoples ability to feel happy
such
as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic and health stability. To sum up, fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
is a personal decision and the other half merely depends on other external components.
Submitted by shirley_7mp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: